SILK...

5

One year later

It has been a year, and trust me when I tell you that it wasn't a year that seemed to be easy for me. Going to therapy did help quite a bit, but there were days that lasted weeks that felt like shit to me. I wanted to die on more than one occasion, but meditation was really doing the most and appreciated Dr Tlaleng for that

I got into crystals, getting intuned with spirit and the universe which had helped me immensely. I stopped taking my antidepressants, learned how to smoke some weed here and there, and I gotta say that I ain't never been happier

"Hey" Neo walked in just as I was finishing up with my yoga. I smiled at her, still seated in prayer for a few more minutes before I packed up everything and greeted her back

"How have you been?" She asked, but I knew her well enough to know that she wasn't asking for herself but rather other people. I wasn't sure if she was keeping in touch with Tae-yun, but I had my suspicion

I sighed, "Tell everyone that I'm fine. No need to check up on me, I'm doing better than I have in years" and I wasn't lying. This year might have been hard but at least I learned how to deal with my depression on my own

I guess Tae-yun was right, but I haven't spoken to him in a year, so he didn't know that I thought that way. Frankly I don't think I'd be able to tell him that if I did see him. How I left things between us had me feeling that maybe he didn't want to see me

Though he did contact me every week, after everything, me ignoring him for the longest, I was scared to talk to him now. It was kinda weird, because he was the guy that I couldn't go a day without talking to

But from what I heard, he was still in Cape Town, "They just wanna make sure that you're okay" she sounded worried but all I could do was smile at her and nod

I let out a deep breath, "Well, I'm all good. I go to therapy at least once a week, and the meditations that Dr Tlaleng has been doing with me have helped a lot, so I'm all good. Everybody can relax" I gave her a tight lipped smile

Honestly, I understood why they were all fussy and worried but I needed for everyone to give me the space that I've been working on getting. Them giving me space has helped me with dealing with my own demons on my own, and that's how I got through all this

Neo, finally realising that she was trying to fight a battle that she wasn't about to win, let out a sigh and let me be. We chopped it up for a little bit before she told me that she had somewhere else to be

I was grateful that she had plans, because the concerned look that she was giving me, was something that I seriously didn't want to deal with

Did I mention that music was life to me now too? Well it was. There were a lot of things that I had taken on that helped a lot, which had me having more happier days than I did sad. That urge wasn't completely gone, but I could maintain it

I went about my day, just cleaning around the house and keeping busy. I knew why I was restless, but I didn't want to address it...I just wanted, just for a few minutes, that this restlessness was nothing but me wanting to clean up and shit. I wanted to just pretend everythig was fine

About an hour later, I couldn't help but crumble to the floor as tears slipped from my eyes. It felt like the past year's worth of tears were spilling from my eyes. I couldn't stop the heart wrenching sobs that escaped

Frankly, I doubt that I would've been able to stop them if I tried. My heart was breaking, the scars that I thought had healed in the last year were now tearing open like I hadn't worked my ass off to heal myself...and all of this was because