A young man tells of his story in this diary. Tired of being invisible, he feels as if no one cares if he lives or dies and decides to put some action in his life. Disgruntled by his clockwork routine he wishes to fulfill his inner-most desires to l...
I've forgotten about this old thing. So much happened that I couldn't be bothered to write it. Last entry ended abruptly due to cops nearing the vicinity, 'cause of Pauli D and all that cal. I loaded Toni and what was left of Geezer onto their van and sped off. I took as much of his brain stew as I could to cover my tracks but I'd left a giant sploosh of blood. I wasn't thinking then but I decided to draw a mark with that red.
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I don't know why I guess I wanted to brand myself as a killer but now I'm regretting it. I'm not. Yes I killed Geezer then dumped the body over his sister's lap and left her screaming as I drank a cup of milk, but that doesn't mean I want to kill again. If anything it was self-defense, they were trying to kill me for fuck's sake! That's my alibi to anyone reading this. I love my life thus far. I have no idea what I was drawing though now that I look at it it's a rose wrapped around a cross. I knew I wanted a cross but not sure why I added the rose, it's cool though! Sucks I didn't have time to draw something better but keep in mind I'd just kill two kids and the pigs would be on my ass any second. Speaking of my ass, I thought about it for a while, I want to lose my virginity. I wanted to wait until I found someone just like me who wouldn't judge me for my fetishes nor impulses. I thought maybe Toni could be the one and Geezer could be my best friend as well as Pauli D. I had a whole fantasy in my head but they were just damn goth posers. I bet not a single one had a mental problem but self-diagnosed regardless. Well, Pauli D still seemed a bit out of it, he was too wild, like a crackhead, maybe he was. Toni will probably develop some soon though. Probably PTSD. PTSD is boring though! Welp, I'll just pick one of my gals. I'm sure by now they love if not I'll make them.
October 15th
Interesting day today! I read the funny papers and smiled at record; no one knows what I've done and I doubt that'll change. I'm running out of space and I really have my eyes set on some girls in need of punishment and love. I still don't know which ideal I'm after but I like both. Let me recap, when I'm not home I lock Sid in my closet, June is hogtied under my bed with large sheets over my bed so no one sees her, and Toni is kept tied to my ceiling. She cries about her arms all day, says they hurt and her blood seems to be going to her feet. She's light headed from that and barely talks only cries. Today I waltzed in singing and rolled June from underneath my bed to remove her gag. I threw her onto my bed and swung my closet open to let Sid see the light. She simply plopped to ground and so did Toni, after I cut her rope. Father dearest heard nothing, he slept and I made sure to open a few sleeping capsules and poured the powder into his beer. Anyway, no one said anything. They seem accustomed to all my shenanigans, I still haven't fucked any of them. I realized I barely fed any of them, which explains their weakness, so I cooked them a meal. I tried to cook as best I could with what we had at home. I didn't do too bad a job either! I made them spaghetti with meatballs and I even rode by bike to the shop on my way home and bought some a loaf of bread. French bread at that! I took one of the many knives I kept in my room to cut the bread, a piece for each and serve them all a plate of spaghet! Real fancy! I even brought them a table with a red table cloth and silverware. I cut the rope around each of their arms and cut a bit of their wrists for fun, I mainly cut the rope so they could eat, and eat they did. They didn't have manners but I couldn't blame them giving what they've been through. They devoured everything and looked at me when done. All their faces are extremely cute when they're scared and covered in bruises or cuts. I couldn't resist her plumped lips so I kissed her, Sidney. She didn't resist but she looked away, I could even see a tear in her eye. I smiled and carried her to my bed where I lay atop her. I rubbed her face, neck, and chest whilst I tried not to cry. I felt happy but I knew it'd be over soon. I asked Sid to talk to me, she spoke with her voice all croaky and whimpering. "Touch me" is all she said. I think she was just complying with what she thought I loved, I did however. I took it as consent and grabbed her ass. It was incredibly soft even with panties. I got a wee bit horny and hard. I placed her in missionary and just stared at her beautiful blue eyes. I lowered my right hand and rubbed her pussy through her red panties. I was beginning to feel warm, I couldn't breath but I was fine, I loved this. I felt as if my heart had stopped beating and yet I couldn't bring myself to go beyond. I wanted to commit a bit of the in-out in-out, to lose all I had left. My life would be complete then. I loved them all but I didn't want any of them to be my first, not out of choice mind you. My body's reaction told me they weren't the ones, that explained why I felt so sick every time I tried to touch them. I had to stop for the night, however I was left with anger from being weak, I couldn't even lose my virginity. Felt as if dad was right for a moment. I got pissed and thought to play some music, bad choice in retrospect. I played Nirvana's Nevermind and played side A. Some versions of the album have 5 tracks on side A and others have 6, mine has 6. That 6th song is Polly. I don't need the tape anymore I have the vinyl soooooooooo......
