The Lieutenant 🪖

Twenty seven

The quarantine building looked medical, all white sheets, antibacterial fragrances and plastic shields. I looked around at the harshly lit room, my eyes stung from the brightness and the crying.

"Williams is here for infection control. Give her the best room and don't bother her. Only permit me in to see her every day, nobody else." He told the nurse who was suited up like I was an alien carrying a toxic poison. She handed me a hospital gown and I smiled awkwardly at her, expressing a quiet gratitude.

She led me into a bedroom, admittedly it was a damn sight better than my shed. I also had a private bathroom, with a bath. I haven't had a bath in so long.

"You're really going to keep me here like a prisoner?" I asked him. He pulled open the drapes, letting some more light into the room but the view was still the same. Trenches, depression and mud.

"You've got a comfortable bed, food, a tv. This is paradise compared to what you've been living with." He walked over to me and cupped my cheek with his cold hand. "Harper, I could go to jail for this. I abused my position. You know that, right?" I swallowed.

I mean, I assumed he could get into trouble but jail? 

"Harper, I'll fight for you. If you want to keep this baby then I'll make sure they give you that choice but I'm risking everything in doing that and I need you to be sure."

"Okay, I'll be sure."  I cut him off sharply, I was too exhausted to speak about this now. I didn't want the added guilt trip if I decided to go ahead with this pregnancy. What would that even look like? He made it clear he wanted to play no part.

"I need you to think about everything. If you're in jail you can't look after the baby. If I admit the baby is mine, I could go to jail too. I can't look after the baby. It will end up in foster care. What life is that?"

"I said okay." I spat out, more demanding this time. "You made your thoughts on this whole thing perfectly clear."

I needed time to think about this. My own brain thinking, not other peoples opinions tarnishing my thoughts. I felt pressured, pressured into an abortion. I rubbed my temples, I had an emotional stress migraine and I just wanted to sleep.

"I will bring you your clothes." He eyed up the hospital gown.

"This is fine, I just want to sleep." He nodded sadly.

"I will come by tomorrow, bring you breakfast and your things." I turned my back on him and started stripping off my clothes to put the hospital gown on.

He lingered in my room, I could sense he wanted to say more but I didn't want to hear it, not right now.

"Harper, I'm sorry." He admitted, I just nodded at him again and didn't turn my back to see him walking out of the door.

I curled up in bed, hiding myself beneath the sheets for warmth and comfort. Inside I felt clogged with emotion, fears and worry so strongly. I knew what was best for this baby but I felt guilt and regret already and it hadn't even happened yet.

In another life I would've kept him. Yes, I had decided it was a boy. A beautiful blonde haired boy, who didn't always open himself up to people but had a huge heart.

He would be boisterous, curious and wild. He would fun, demanding and strong but always remain kind. He was my baby and although Axel didn't want him, he was still made with love. I cared for his father, deeply.

I cared for my son deeply, I loved him and that's why I needed to do what was best for him. I needed to terminate this pregnancy.

I closed my eyes, everything feeling swollen and sore from all of my crying and then, I cried some more. I cried so hard into my pillow. I didn't think I would ever stop crying.

My heart was broken, I was in pain and where was I? Carted off in some back building quarantine house, alone.

I held my stomach.

"I'm not alone, I'm with you. Teeny. When your daddy leaves me, you're here for me. Just me and you." I wiped away my tears. "For awhile." I added, sobbing more and more. "I'm so sorry Teeny, it's for the best. Please forgive me. Please forgive me."

***

"Harper." He poked me gently and I opened my eyes. "Hey, how are you?" He was speaking softly, like I was a child.

It was weird because usually he shouted his words and barked his orders but today I was a piece of fragile glass and he handled me with care. I shuffled up the bed and pushed back my matted hair.

"I'm going to go through with the abortion." I inhaled a shaky breath and watched his reaction. He said nothing, he just ran his finger across his stubble, thinking.

"That's what you want?" He asked after a while.

"No, but that's what is for the best. We can't have a baby Axel, it's not fair on him."

"Him?" He questioned, looking down at my tummy. "You know it's a boy?" I held back a smile at how naive he was on this subject. How would I possibly know that?

"No, I just imagine it to be a boy." He smiled in a small way.

"Huh, I imagine it to be a girl." My eyes widened, I'm shocked he even thought about the baby's gender. Last night it wasn't a baby at all, it was 'just a bunch of cells.'

"You do?" I questioned, the disbelief expelling from my tone.

"Yeah, all cute causing trouble and stuff but she would have these big blue eyes that would just make me melt so I could never truly be mad at her. I gave her a name too."

"You did?" My voice was high pitched now with shock. He named our child?

"Yeah, Crystal." I laughed sadly, I couldn't imagine calling my daughter Crystal. "It was my moms name." He explained. "And I thought — I don't know." He began blushing.

"What?"

"It's kinda a nod to you because, you're a diamond—"

"Among the rocks." I completed his sentence and he smiled.

"Yeah." He grabbed hold of my hand and looked at me with intensity. "Harper, I'm sorry. The way I acted yesterday was unforgivable. You needed me and I wasn't there. It was a lot, I never wanted kids. I never even thought about the possibility of getting you pregnant. I just - I don't know - I panicked, I had only just found out and that wasn't fair because you had only just found out too."

"What are you saying Axel?"

"I'm saying," he paused and chewed on his lower lip as he thought. "I'm saying, I want you to keep the baby. I want us to keep the baby."

"How?" He sighed.

"I don't know, I haven't figured that out yet but it starts with not getting an abortion and I've got nine months to figure out the rest." He shuffled up on the bed next to me and wrapped me up into his arms.

"You're really in this, one hundred percent? Because my heart won't be able to take it if you change your mind again."

His hands landed on my stomach and I got butterflies within. There was something so warming in his eyes, so protective and safe.

"That's my baby in there. My little, defenceless baby. I'm not going to let anything happen to you Harper, I'm going to protect you, protect our baby, our family."

"Daddy." I whispered.

His eyes glittered with such a strong emotion, maybe they even got a little teary. Axel, the robot got teary-eyed. His humanity was showing through and it was beautiful.

"Daddy." He repeated, thoughtfully. "I like it."

I tilted my head up and kissed him sweetly, his warmth wrapped around my body, his chest rising and falling calmly, his giant hands cupping my face - it made me feel not so alone in this.