frozen with him

Chapter 2

The kingdom rejoiced at the site of princess Ana in her beautiful wedding gown. Well wishers from every corner of the land had brought forth gifts of all kinds for the young bride and groom. The line of them stretched all the way from the palace gates to the chapel.

I saw Anna's brilliant smile and her excitement. The happiness that I felt for my beautiful baby sister was indescribable, but deep down in the pit of my stomach I felt the hallow ache of loneliness. I knew I would never have with anyone what Anna has with Kristoff. I wouldn't know that level of love and devotion from anyone. Though I was now loved by my people, no suitors came forward to court me. No one wanted to be wed to the 'Ice Queen' as the neighboring kingdoms had recently begun to call me.

I had accepted this but...for some reason...it still hurt.

I tried to not wallow in self pity. For the whole day i tried to focus on my sisters happiness. I stood by her side and smile as I watched her exchange vows with her one true love. I cheered and teared up as the said "I do" and sealed it with a passionate kiss. I chatted with the newly weds as we headed back to the castle for the grand reception.

I smiled tenderly as Kristoff made a toast to my sister, expressing his love and adoration for her. And I scorned at every advisor or ambassador who made a subtle comment about marriage expectations. As the evening went on my decision had become harder to follow through with.

I danced with my sister and new brother in law. I laughed and smiled at all the right moments and I even caught the bouquet when Ana through it. And I ignored the quiet but very real giggle that ran through the other female attenders...

As if the 'Ice Queen' would ever find love...

Ana assured me that she felt like it was a sign..that i was fated to meet my one... true love sooner than I thought. I found it funny that she believe that I thought I even had one...

Ana and Kristoff were preparing to set off to begin their honeymoon and felt my stature waiver. I had tried desperately to think only of my sister, of the fact that it was her day. That she was starting a road to a long and happy and full life. But with that came the knowledge that I would be completely..alone. And then all those emotions came rushing in. As I watched them and their carriage head towards the harbor I felt a tear run down my cheek.

I quickly brushed it away and covered it with one last smile for my sister. Me and all the people stayed to see off their ship. Some smiling, some cheering, a few tearful faces filled the crowed. But there was no doubt that the kingdom was happy for their princess. And before anyone realised their ship had faded into the horizon.

And I held it together as I made my way back home. I smiled and nodded and thanked everyone who was apart of her very special day. I hugged those who played the biggest roles. I gracefully sent the castle staff home early for the night to be with their families. 

Before I knew it I was alone in my room. There I let me emotions consume me.

My sister was married, would be starting a family, and it felt like I was being left behind. I knew these feeling were selfish and conceited but I felt them. I felt them so deep that it was as if the force of them had torn my heart to pieces... So I cried.

I cried because of the loneliness, because my sister was moving on to have better life than I would ever know. I cried because I missed her and I cried because I knew how selfish that was. Selfish because I had been using my sisters love so sublimate my need for the love of our parents, and that is selfish because that is too much pressure to put on a younger sibling...even if they didn't know it.

I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. She smiled and she laughed and she danced a lit but it was like I could feel what she was feeling. Despite the festivities her eyes looked incredibly lonely... so I hovered. I stayed by her side hoping by some miracle that it would ease whatever loneliness or pain she was feeling, though I knew it would not.

I ached to reach out and touch her cheek, to whisper things would be okay. To remind her that she wasn't alone, that she would never be alone.

I watched her as she struggled to keep up her facade of happiness... how could no one else notice? I thought surely Ana would be able to see through her sister, she could always see through Elsa. 

This was the first moment in years that I resented the palace staff, resented the former King and Queen, for making Elsa believe I wasn't real. For putting me in the position to watch her suffer but never able to do anything about it. 

Why? What could Elsa possibly have done to deserve any of this suffering?  All she ever asked for was the ability to control her powers so she wouldn't hurt anyone, so she wouldn't hurt the sister that meant so much to her..

The moment she stepped into her room, knowing the castle was empty, her mask fell..and she broke in front of me. I watched as she fell to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and sobbed so hard it had to physically hurt her. I watched helplessly as the tears streamed down her face and I couldn't so much as wipe them away for her.

I wished now more than ever that I could be a man again, just so I could wipe them away. So I could pull her into an embrace and ease what ever pain was racking through her in that moment. So I could hold her in my arms and not let go until she realized I was never going anywhere.

Out of sheer desperation to comfort her, I knelt down to her side wrapped my arms around her tenderly, heartbroken that this was the closest I could get to comforting her. I was surprised at the faint warmth I felt, like I could actually feel her. And, to my greater surprise, her sobbing eased.

Maybe it was sheer luck, maybe she would have stopped crying anyway, call is hopeless dreaming, but from the expression on her face, it was as if she felt it too.