Bad habits (lead to you)

Secret Santa 2021

Author's note: This is my first fic to Secret Santa. I was nervous about writing it for a lot of reasons.

This time, Cassandra (follow-your-shadow) was my beta and a huge thank you for helping me.

Let me know if you like it or not (in case you didn't read before or just if you're in the mood to do so). It's always nice to read the reviews.

P.S. The title of the fic is inspired by "Bad habits" from Ed Sheeran. Donna's bad habits lead her to Harvey every time her date sucks.

- I -

"Oh, I'm sorry I have to take this call," she says to the guy in front of her, who is holding a beer.

She moves away, pretending she is having a conversation. She's been doing this often lately. This has been her 'get away' move. When she is on a date that is not going well, she pretends her cell phone is vibrating and takes the call, comes back and tells the guy that something work related happened and she needs to go.

At the very first moment when Jeramie showed up, today's date indicated that it would turn into something not enjoyable. After all, she is Donna, and her skills of reading people are still there.

"I'm sorry, my boss just called me. Something urgent came up and I need to go. I'm really sorry," she says, already taking her purse, waving goodbye to the guy and leaving the place.

It's the Christmas season, and the city is entirely decorated with Christmas' lights. Donna always loved Christmas and today it's a perfect distraction to her feelings. She walks down the street, unsure where to go. She does not want to be alone tonight, but also does not have anyone to spend time with. Her friends are enjoying their dates the way she cannot.

Her friends keep saying 'for someone who has a high standard, your recent standards have been near to zero', and deep down she knows why. But she does not want to admit that Stephen damaged her in a way deeper than she thought.

After the whole situation with him, she has been going on dates that, in the first 5 minutes, she knows will not be good. She had dates where the sex was great and others where the sex was not good at all. In summary, she has been doing one-night stands unintentionally. Not getting emotionally attached, nor getting a second date.

The redhead has not been acting like herself. She is someone with a high level of self-confidence in every department of her life. Not that she does not feel insecure sometimes, only that this time. Her love life is affecting her more than she wanted to and she does not know how to stop it.

She also doesn't know how to stop the insecurities. How to stop feeling that every single person she is going on a date with will show some dark part of themself or that they are lying to her. Donna is not afraid of little lies like telling someone you like olives, only to impress them or something like that. She is honest with the people she is trying to know better. She can handle these little lies. What she is afraid of is the bigger lies, those dark and deep lies someone can hide and carry.

But lately she does not seem open to really getting to know someone. She is getting bored in the middle of dates, not interested in what the other person has to say. Since Stephen, she can not open herself to genuine connections. She is afraid that if she lets someone in, she will once again be hurt. She is feeling lost, broken.

But she still has a lust. She still wants to date and flirt and have sex, so she proceeds with the already-know-it-will-be failure dates. But tonight she is tired of it. She wants something personal, smooth, easy, right, safe, comfortable. And the only place she knows she will feel this way is moreover complicated.