Lockdown | Conor Mason

We've Only Got Each Other

"Is everybody going crazy? Can't get through to you lately...we're so hopelessly faded...

Is anyone else feeling lonely? It just can't be me only...we're so hopeless--"

I nearly spit into the microphone laughing, but recovered quickly. 

"It would feel so good to steal some time..." 

I finished the song at full voice. Then I couldn't help but laugh again as I looked into my phone, clamped awkwardly onto a makeshift tripod.

"Very sorry about the mistake there," I said, watching my grinning face turn slightly red on the screen. "It's because I was thinking of getting a coffee after. My mind was...elsewhere."

I moved quickly on to the next two songs and, thankfully, got those lyrics right. Finally the singing was done. I said goodbye and pressed that damn red button, and breathed out a big sigh of relief. I let my head drop onto my laptop, laden with audio wirings I had plugged in with the painstaking video-call guidance of Stu.

It was ironic that I'd been working so hard on staying in the moment, not worrying about the future. And then got derailed simply by thinking about going for coffee with my neighbor.

I refilled my water bottle and chugged, standing in the kitchen and gazing out the glass sliding door at the sea. It was nearly a week now since I'd seen Amelia. My schedule had been packed with these recorded live sessions. 

So this morning, I'd messaged and asked if she wanted to pick up coffee later. She'd said sure. And if my level of concentration was any indication, I was pretty excited about it.

I tossed the empty water bottle in the sink and went to check myself in the bathroom mirror. The leopard jumper was...well, a bold choice. 

The grin left my face. Sudden memories flooded over me, remembering the fights, the pointless arguments about my wardrobe. It had never been good enough. To wacky, too out there. It was never said, but I knew: not masculine enough.

I bent and splashed cold water on my face. It was almost six months now. Why did I let still let it accost my thoughts? My pulse began to quicken as my mind spun out, images of those last horrible days crashing into one another.

A familiar sound of tinkling bells jolted me out of my head. I rushed back to my computer and checked the incoming video call. Dom! I clicked.

His dopey face filled the screen, and I instantly relaxed. 

"Ah damn, I hoped it'd be one of my friends." His face didn't even flinch. 

"Well, fuck you very much, mate." Dom grinned. He was sitting outside on his decking, bright sunshine reflecting off his squinting eyes. "All right then?"

"Yeah, all right." I leaned back in the chair, stretching my arms high. 

"The tracks play ok for that recording?" 

"Yeah, no problem at all. I messed up the lyrics though, got distracted."

Dom raised an eyebrow. "Certainly a first."

I gave him a stink-eye. "You can go fuck yourself."

"What's got you distracted then?" Dom tipped his head back and closed his eyes to the sun.

"Oh nothing, just getting a coffee with my neighbor." I hoped my tone didn't reveal anything, but Dom looked at the camera inquisitively. 

"Outdoors, distanced, just picking it up, is all." The band, especially Dom, were worried sick that I'd get the virus, and if I wasn't extremely careful at all times, I heard about it.