Another Fish Upon the Sky?

abortion pills

7 weeks pregnant. 

The sun has gone down by now. The only thing lighting up the city was the half moon and city streets that gave the night a stunning view to stare for the whole night. It’s quite windier than usual, but I can’t complain as it’s nicely refreshing to my liking. Mork parked right in front of my house, puting the car in park and looked at me for a second. 

For a second, it was quiet, there was only the sound of our breathing and the crickets right outside. “What?” I questioned.

“Don’t stress about it. If your family doesn’t accept it, I will be here beside you through thick and thin.” 

“I will.Thanks Mork.” I kissed gently on his cheek and went home. Walking in and heading to the kitchen, I saw Duean setting some plates of chinese food on the table. 

“Where were you the whole day, Pi?” He questioned in a serious tone, which was unlike him. . 

“Okay, well then..” he paused for a minute and looked me straight in the eye, “you should eat.” 

“That’s fine. I’m not hungry.” I stated, feeling my stomach churn.

“Seriously, you’re gonna turn down your favorite dish I ordered just for you.” 

Huffing in anger, I took the courage to take a bite to not seem suspicious. It was tasty and I didn’t have the urge to throw it up. I kept taking more spoonfuls. I sat down to finish up the plate as Duean went to the living room. As I was about to finish, I felt the dinner go up my throat and in an instant I was up in my chair and was kneeling in front of the trashcan in the kitchen. 

Stretching out for a napkin on the counter, I wiped my mouth with it and slowly got back up only to notice that Duean was standing in front of me. Without saying anything, I left to my room leaving Duean with questions. 

I heard stomps going up the stairs and stopped right outside the bedroom door. Duean opened the door, “Okay, What’s wrong with you? You can’t be like this any further. I’m telling mom. I have a feeling that your pregnant and you’re not telling me.”

“No I’m not. Why would you think that?” I yelled defensively.

“Just a feeling. No need to get defensive.” he continued on, “Good because if Mork has gotten you pregnant, I will kill him myself.”

I groaned heavily, “I’m not hiding anything! You’re insane for even thinking that!”

“Oh Pi, I may be dumb but I will find out what’s wrong with you sooner or later.” He made himself very clear, making me worry excessively. 

“Ok you won’t because I’m fine. I’m gonna take a shower by the way.” I exited the room and went straight to the shower. Turning on the water, I stepped in slowly, getting used to the cold water. As soon as I felt I wasn’t being heard or anything, I let a few quiet sobs out. 

A wave of overwhelmed crashed over me, feeling as if I had let down everyone. My parents and brothers will despise me for losing my purity so young without any stability in my life. I don’t have anyone to support me except Mork. 

The overwhelming and lost feeling is getting too much to bear. I wiped my tears and without realizing it, I started scratching my arms as hard as I can. 

‘What would it feel like to self harm? Would it make me feel better?’ What am I thinking? Why would I do such a thing if I have at least Mork’s support and love? But... It wouldn’t hurt if I do it one time without anyone knowing. The thought kept repeating in my head unknowingly.

The other day (5 in the morning)...

I was walking up to the living room, looking at the clock. It was 12:47. Grabbing the doorknob, I secretly snuck out of the house and went to a nearby pharmacy. When I went into the pharmacy, I search for any abortion pills and bought them. 

I’m not quite sure if I should take them. It doesn’t feel right to me? Is it even safety take them? All I could think was that I want to keep the baby. I got back home and went to bed in a swift motion. 

Same day, after class ends…

Mork and I decided to meet up at the lunch area where everyone goes to chat and eat with their friends. I settled my backpack beside me and my lunch in front of me. It’s quite empty than usual. I wait about 15 minutes until I see that Mork is coming towards me. 

He sat with me and wrapped his arm around my waist, “How’s your day so far, my love?” He smirked, pecking my lips. I blushed madly, attempting to hide my smiled and looked around my surroundings if anyone has seen us.

“It’s going fine and you?” I laughed.

“Good. Do you have the notes I was asking for?” He asked. 

“Yeah. I have them in my backpack. I looked right where my backpack was. He unwrapped his arms away from my waist and searched through my backpack. 

“What would you like to do tonight? We already have the time to hang out.” I questioned, taking a few bites of my lunch. 

I got no response and I looked at him. To my surprise, he looked mad. Something I don’t usually see from him unless he’s really pissed off for a good reason. 

“What's wrong?” I started while grabbing his shoulder but he shook off my hand harshly making me startled. He grabbed something from my backpack and pulled it out revealing the abortion pills I bought last night. My heart dropped as soon as I realized I forgot to hide them from him. 

“What are these? Are you fucking seriously taking these?” He growled, tears in his eyes. He got up, I grabbed his wrist but he yanked himself from me. 

“Mork please let me explain myself.” Tears streamed down my face. I was unable to look at him. 

“You’re not taking these. I said no. I have a right to have a say in this and that’s the end of discussion.” He walked away with the pills. Everyone was staring making me embarrassed but my heart was aching a lot that I didn’t even care about people watching me. 

The corner of my eye once I wiped my tears, I saw Mueang Nan. “Hey Pi, what’s wrong? Where’s Mork?” I kept quiet, debating if I should even tell him about my problem. I finally decided not to tell him much. How embarrassing to tell him about our relationship problems. 

“We just had another argument.” I left before he could respond back. 

As much as I tried I couldn’t stop crying. Without looking, I bumped into Duean’s gang. 

“Hey Pi, why are you crying?” Koh asked. 

“It’s nothing.”

“Nothing my ass. Why are you crying then?” Yok intervened. 

“If I tell you, you can’t tell Duean.” I made myself clear to them. 

“Yeah we won’t tell him.”

“Mork and I got into an argument. He found my abortion pills and-”

“Abortion pills.” Everyone exclaimed.

“Yeah I found out that I’m pregnant with Mork’s baby and if I tell Duean he will kill Mork.”

Koh backhanded my head, “of course he will. Why don’t you tell your parents then?”

Out of nowhere Duean approaches us and intervenes, “What are you guys talking about? Pi why do you seem like you've been crying?”