I want to wake up and have this not be happening right now, my tears are staining everything they touch.
I don't know how long ago it was, but I lost you and I know I wasn't ready to be your mother because I am so young, but I want you back.
I don't know if you were a boy or girl.
I just can't seem to stop crying.
I realize it would have been hard as hell providing for you, but it would have been worth it.
I had dreams about holding you
About singing and rocking you to sleep.
I wanted you, but something cruel took you away from me.
I didn't even get to see you.
I thought you would look like your daddy, perhaps you would have looked like me too.
Please come back to me.
I don't know where you are.
I would like to think that you are in Jesus' arms right now.
You should still be with me.
Why aren't you here?
I know I am not perfect, but I am convinced I would have been a damn good mother.
I know right now we couldn't have given you much, but the love in our hearts, and that would have been good enough for me.
I don't know what to call myself now.
I am not a mother, but I know what it's like to carry life inside of me.
I am now an empty hallow shell, that's what I am I have got to be strong for him though, I don't want him to see me like this.
Nobody can see me like this.
3 people suspect so far
They suspect something is wrong, but they didn't even know I was pregnant so I can't very well tell them I have had a miscarriage, that I lost my baby.
I hate that term "lost"
like you were car keys or something, I didn't lose you
You were taken rudely from me, ripped out of my arms before I got to hold you and tell you how much you are loved.
I should have known
You didn't react to Daddy's touch the way you normally did
You didn't seem soothed when I sang to you.
All I know is someone somewhere is going to see through my strong act because I can't keep it up forever.
Until next time
Love Always,
A teenage un-mother
