The Main Dose Of Divid Love

Chapter 57

Hero

"What the hell do you mean you don't know about the wedding!" Jo yells at me as I'm leaning against the wall of the outside of the kitchen and she walking around the living room screaming and crying and I'm holding my tears in. "You heard what I said," I clench my jaw and cross my arms looking down shaking my head. "Yeah Hero, I fucking heard you loud and clear." she says and leans against the wall by the bookshelf and places her hands on her face and just rubs her face gently and then runs her hands through her hair. The past week I've been distant from Jo, she knows why. She's trying to let me know it's okay and that she's there and she is trying to help me but I won't budge. I haven't been able to sleep or eat. I asked Rob if he needed me to fly down but he said he's okay and he's figuring things out and will call me if he needs me. I don't know what to do, I'm hurting so bad but I'm hurting her along the way.

"Jo, I don't want to hurt you.." I say and take a deep breath. She removes her hands from her and hair and plops on the chair by the bookshelf and sits up. "You're not trying to hurt me?" she laugh. "I totally get your upset, I'm trying to give you space and let you grieve Hero as I'm trying my best to be there for you along the way. You can't just threaten to call off our wedding and claim you want to leave in the same day..." she says and tears come down her eyes and I look down cause I can't bear to look at her. "You just can't do that.." she adds.

"I don't know what to do Jo, I'm the reason I didn't speak to my mother and I'm the reason she didn't meet Nora and I'm also the main fucking reason she won't be at my wedding!" I yell and throw my head back and rest it on the wall. "It's not your fault!" she yells and places her face in her hands. "It is." I say.

"I can't believe you want to leave or call off the wedding." she says.

"I don't want to leave you Jo! I'm not going to leave!" I yell and she stands up. "Then don't! We can work this out together and I'll be there for you every step of the way, I'll give you space if you need space in the house and I'll be there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on and when you need someone to scream and yell at I'll be there Hero! Don't you threaten to leave me and your daughter when this can be worked out and you won't even let us try to work it out, I told you I'd be there for you but you won't get it in your head! I love you Hero, I want to be there for you but you just won't let me!" she yells and then plops down on the couch.

I just stand there, not knowing what to say. I don't know what to do and I don't know what to say.

"Jo..." I say and begin slowly walking from behind the couch and around to the front of it and sit down next to her. "Don't leave." She says and I just lay back and take a deep breath. "I'm feeling so many sorts of things right now, I don't know how to feel better. This is a shock and it doesn't feel real. I don't know if I can take care of myself right now and I'm just hurting you along the way Jo, and that's the last thing I want but that's what's happening." I honeslty say. She looks at me, "You leaving will hurt me worse then you letting your feelings out in the house with me still." she says.

She's right, I guess.

"And your daughter? Did you even think about that!?" she yells and I just sigh and lean back against the wall. "I'm sorry, okay? I just said it my heads a mess right now."I say.

"I want to be there for you, I know it's hard but Hero, you need to understand that thinking these things  will make things much worse." she says and gets up and goes upstairs.

I go to the sink and get a cold glass of water and sit down at the dining room table.

I don't wanna leave my family, that's not my intention but it sure as hell does seem like that's what I am planning, or that's what I want to do. I never meant to freak out on Jo, it just came out.