You Break Your Rules ( The Boyz , Juric , Moonbae , Bbangkyu, Sunhak )

-33-

After Sunwoo successfully snuck back into his house he entered his room quietly, for a moment he pretended as if nothing had happened.

Then it hit him.

He'd just made the worst mistake of his life, something so stupid he could never forget it.

He slid down his bedroom wall lifting his hand up to his lips still feeling the phantom touch left behind.

Self sabotage.

Despite knowing he could never have this, he could never have him, he still did it. He still kissed him. There was no happy ending for them, they couldn't be friends and they certainly couldn't be lovers. He was constantly taught and told to hate anyone with that family name, yet he found himself in the opposite position.

A simple family feud?

Or a constant reminder he couldn't have the thing he wanted most?

Since that day in the library and the small moments they shared in the practice room becoming friends, Sunwoo knew something was different about him.

The way he smiled.

Or that stupid grin.

He wanted to be around him all the time, then suddenly he was gone. Physically there yes, but the once happiness was replaced by fear. Fear to love the unlovable. Every spike of dopamine caused by the others actions was followed by a sense of dread. How could he disappoint his parents who already expected nothing from him. Years of trying to beat his older brother in just one thing, it would all end here.

"Sorry mom, sorry dad. I can't hate him."

Those were words he could never say, and even if he did it wouldn't mean anything. There would be no acceptance, only disappointment.

Disappointment.

Resentment.

Hatred.

Yet still, his smile, his laugh, that sparkle in his eyes, and those stupid stupid lips. Burned into his mind like a permanent memory.

How could he let himself fall for him? He was completely and utterly absorbed into the world of Juhaknyeon, and there was no going back.

But there was no going forward.

There was no possibly, there was no chance. This is where they ended even if it was where they had started.

The others couldn't know, they couldn't see them as friends or as more.

And even if they tried despite this, what would it be? A secret? A lie?

To be his, to have him.

Only a dream, in the end it was hopeless. Kissing in the darkness, that was their only and their last moment. It would stop here, he was going to stop it now.

There was no point in trying something that he knew wouldn't work out.

If it was pointless in the first place he wasn't going to hurt himself trying.

Well, hurt himself anymore than he already had. 

This is where he said goodbye to his first love, to save himself.

To save Haknyeon.

They were better off as strangers.

Enemies.

———

~The next morning~

"You can trust me."