You know that one Family Guy episode where Brian somehow manages to not suck at writing a book? Well, now you'll know what'll happen if our lovable hyperactive gal Dani tries to do the same thing.
...Yes, people, the girl can write.
LOL. Enjoy, bitches.
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"Hey, Amaya," I said, trying unsuccessfully snap my chopsticks. "Why is it that the crappiest books known to date are usually the ones that ends with the author or authoress as rich as a bitch?"
She shrugged. "How'm I supposed to know?"
"You're the smartest gal I know."
"What about Haruhi?"
"...You should take your goddamn compliments when they come."
"Sorry." Amaya peered at me with a strange look on her face. "Alright, spit it out."
"Spit what out, Amaya Anastasia Kamiyama?" I asked in what I considered a 'seducive-prick-meets-innocent-angel' voice.
"Why do you keep using your 'I'mma rape you' voice when I demand for you to tell me whatever zany plan I know damn well will get us all killed one day?"
"That was my rape voice? Wait, could people even have rape voices?"
"I don't see you answering my question."
"Well, fine. I'm going to write me a crappyrific book and no one's gonna stop me!"
"...Why?"
"Because if a book like Twilight can get a) lots of mula, b) attract lots of horny girls between the ages of 10 and 19 at best, and c) spawn a movie deal, then fuck it - I'mma write a fucking book!"
She raised an eyebrow. "And what makes you think your book could cause either of those three things to happen?"
"If I put a naked girl with D-cup boobs on the cover, I'll attract ze males. If I be like...quick, give me-"
"One Direction."
I gave her Kristy Thomas's famous Look. "Bitch-"
"What? At this very second, girls are masterbating to their songs, dry humping a poster of theirs, or going on Google to search up a picture of Harry Styles in order to photoshop themselves kissing him so they can show it to all their little, horny friends and rub it in their tiny, horny faces."
I twirled my fresh-from-the-microwave ramen. "While the famous question 'just how the fuck do you know these things' is still on the table, a better question is - 'give me my fucking laptop so I can write me a story!'"
"That's not even a question. What, did you sleep through your lessons?"
"A-durr. No Ritalin, no senisible Dani. Goddamn, Amaya, you ought to know this about your ADD-riddled best friend!"
She sweatdropped and handed me what I called my 'Lucky Star Laptop', 'cause a) I had a picture of da Lucky Star gang as my wallpaper and b) my laptop was Akira Kogami coloured. And then, I started typing.
"Let me see..."
WISH IT. LUST IT. FUCK IT.*
BY DANIELLA MIYAMOTO.
"Dare I even ask?"
"You won't like the answer!" I said singsongily, resuming my typing.
If yhu wish fo' sumthin, it'll come true cuz I piss out rainbows and shiit out Pixie Dust.
YOU ARE READING
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