I'm Broken

A Different Perspective

I was up all night tossing and turning. The entire night it self was restless and I could not focus on a single thing. All that I had on my mind at the moment was trying my best to pass this first audition for the new boy group. I had been up countless nights by myself practicing just so I could be the best. With almost five years of training under my belt, I should be used to this kind of stress. But knowing that only seven members from the audition would be picked is what made me anxious.

Each year I have tried out for a new group, and each year I saw my friends debut and I am still stuck in the practice dorms. I was happy for them but at the same time I was jealous. I am 19 now and I'm going to be turning 20 really soon. The thing that scared me, is the fact that if I don't improve, I might never get a chance to live out my dreams.  Preforming on a big stage in front of thousands of people who adore and appreciate the music that I make has always and forever will be a dream of mine.

"Hey dude you okay? You have been staring at the ceiling for almost 30 minutes now." Nikki teased

"Yeah I'm fine I just have been doing a lot of thinking recently."

"Hope all is well" He slapped me on the arm and left the room. Nikki is the youngest out of all of us. He is only 16 but has so much passion that goes beyond his age. He has very dark hair and intimidating eyes. His stare could probably kill someone. But the funny thing about him is that, he is actually the sweetest guy you could ever meet. He is very considerate of everyone and a great listener. 

"Ethan, manger Hyun wants to talk to you." Levi announced then left the room. I slid my feet into my slippers and walked out of the dinning room where I saw our manger sitting at the table.

"Good morning manger Hyun."

"Morning Ethan, how has the school-trainee life been going?" I looked down at my hands and started fiddling with them.

"Stressful." I laughed

"I can tell, you look like you haven't gotten to sleep for days."

"Oh, yeah I have been up late practicing after school."

"Didn't I tell you to stop doing that." He looked down at the papers and shook his head while smiling.

"Sorry."

"Don't even worry about it, just make sure that you are staying healthy. But anyways that is not why I am here. I need to talk to you about the upcoming audition."

I tensed at the thought of it.

"What are the updates with it?" I said nervously not really wanting to know the answer.

"So apparently they have two requirements that they want you to do. They want you to have a self choreographed dance and they want you to also have a dance partner of the opposite gender."

"How am I supposed to find a trustworthy partner of the opposite gender?"

"They can either assign you with one or you can ask one of the girls at your school."

"Sign me up. No way i am asking those clout thirsty girls for any kind of help related to this kind of thing." I said quicker than my brain could process.

"Well alright. I will set up the appointment for the team agent tonight and please don't be an asshole."

"I have no clue what you're talking about." I said as I scoffed at the comment.

"You know what I mean. Control your anger or your in for it." He said as he walked away.

I walked into the restaurant to meet up with the agent of the audition around nine in the evening. After my manager had told me that I needed a female partner, I had to sign up to be paired with complete randomness. When I walked in, I see him waving me down from the corner of the restaurant. I walk over to his table and take my seat.

"Ah Ethan, how are you my boy?" he chuckled

"I have been better. Why did we have to meet here?"

"I like this place's food, they have amazing steaks."

"Okay, so what is the problem with the casting, who am I going to be with?"

"Well as of right now, nobody wants to participate in the round with you. They all consider you a so-called control freak."

I couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. How could people that haven't even met me not want to work with me? I found it utterly ridiculous that someone would spread such rumors. I just want everything to be perfect and not look so sloppy.

"I'm trying to find good people but everyone is either very clueless or they don't like you and your demeanor. It's like as soon as I bring your name up they shut the idea down instantly."

As I listened to what he was telling me I only got more angry.

"Do you think you still have a chance if people see you this way?"

"Yes, actually I think I do have a chance. I have a better chance than any of those other contestants with stuck-up attitudes ever do! Do whatever it takes to find me someone to work with. I am not going to ever give up; this is my dream." I said in a whispered scream.

I could tell that what I had just said left him in shock. Even though he had a blank expression, I could tell he was at loss for words.

"Are we ready to order?"

"Yes I am, I will have the steak on rice with the side of scallops." He stated while he closed his menu.

"And how would you like the steak?"

" Extra well done, I don't want any kind of pink."

"Would you also like a refill of your drink?"

"Yes that would be delightful."

"Great and for you sir can I get you started with any drinks?"

By that point, I had lost my entire appetite. I just wanted to leave.

"Actually I was just leaving." I grunted without taking my eyes off of him. I grabbed my things and headed out the restaurant without even looking back.