Baby, I'm Gonna Leave You (SQ to Heaven's Door)

7: Need You Back

Axl's POV:

Yes, I know. I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I was sitting in my car, parked in Duff's driveway. Three days in a row I'd come here and asked he let me talk to Lucy. Three days in a row I was denied my request. I was hoping four was my lucky number.

I got out, and I walked up to the front door. My hands trembled at the thought of not being able to see her despite the fact that it was my fault I couldn't see her in the first place. I raised a hand anyways, ringing the doorbell.

It was Lucy, or the shell of her, that answered the door. Her once beautiful curly hair had been pulled back into a messy ponytail, which was falling out in places that didn't help to make it attractive. A tee shirt, probably of Duff's, was on her, falling off of her frame because it was too long. She also wore these loose gray shorts. "Axl?" She asked the question like she was surprised that I'd bothered to show up. "Why do you keep coming back?"

"Because I love you, Angel-face." Her eyes lit up at the sound of that, but then hardened again. "She meant nothing to me," I assured her quickly.

"That doesn't make it any better. In fact, that makes it worse. If she meant nothing to you, how dare you have sex with her?" Lucy was hurt, I could tell. I didn't blame her, and she had every right to feel pain over this. However, she didn't know the whole story. "And no one else was stopping you? I thought you guys were my friends. I guess in this world, you can't count on anyone." She turned to close the door, but I stopped her.

"Angel-face, please don't be like that. I can do better, I promise! I won't cheat, I won't hurt you, I'll do whatever you want. All I want is to have you back."

"If I give you another chance, I know you'll just fuck it up again." She trembled at her use of vulgar language. "All you ever do is fuck things up." The second time was more confident, but I could tell it was still hurting her. 

"That's not fucking fair!" I snapped. "Listen, I know what you did, okay? I know you're from high and mighty Heaven, and I know it comes easy to you. Life ain't like that for me, not at all. I don't have a moral compass because those pretty rules etched in stone for you only came as guidelines for me." Lucy drew back. "Just give me another chance, and I promise I'll try harder. If you won't let me try again, how can you even say that you love me too?"

Lucy blinked at me before shaking her head. "Duff won't let me out."

"Why do you care what he says?"

She bit her lip. "It's Slash. There's something wrong with him, Axl. I'm so scared for him." She pointed back inside. "Duff is helping me watch him, so I can't leave."

"I'll help you. Please just come back home."

She waved me in. "Come inside, Axl. I think you need to see this." She led me through Duff's pad, weaving through rooms until she arrived in a living room. Seeing Slash, I suddenly understood why Lucy looked so discombobulated. 

He was lying on the couch, a bottle of mystery liquor in his hand, and a needle still in his arm. He rolled around, seeming unable to regain control over his limbs. "Uhn," He groaned. "Fuck, I," He sighed, putting his hand to his head. 

"He's been running fevers, too," Lucy told me. "They've been so high, I had to give him ice to cool him off. He gets the shivers, and he can't shower."

"I didn't know you could get sick like that from addiction."

Duff entered the room, a washcloth in his hand. "That's because you really can't. I think Slash just has a really bad infection, and the drugs aren't helping." I braced myself to get kicked out, but that didn't happen. "We can't take him to a doctor to get help, either. They'll send him away to rehab."

"Why's that bad?" Lucy asked.

"People don't come back the same from rehab," I said, looking straight ahead and trying not to meet her eyes. "It changes you." 

"We can't afford to lose him right now. I don't care how much he has to do, whatever can keep him running." Duff's disregard for Slash's health seemed to hurt Lucy, and that hurt made me feel a little jealous. Would she be this worried about me if our positions were different? I'd never know for sure. Slash sat up.

"Serves you all fucking right. You've burned me out, every last one of you." He took a swig from his bottle, and then he licked his lips. "I hope you're happy."

Lucy left the room, crying obviously. I rushed to follow after her, feeling my weak sense of obligation finally kick in. She was sitting on a bed, head in her hands. I sat next to her gently, and then put my arm over her shoulders. She leaned into me, still sobbing softly. "Hey, none of that," I told her in a quiet voice. "Slash wasn't talking to you."

"I just want to help him, but I can't even do that."

I shook my head. "It's not your place. You can't help him if he doesn't wanna help himself, you understand? You can drag him to rehab every damn month, but if he's not going to put in the effort, it's not gonna change anything." 

"I hate it here." For once, I kept my mouth shut. I wanted to tell her that this was real life. I wanted to tell her that she should put up with it. I wanted to tell her that she needed to stick around anyways, especially for me. I didn't tell her any of that. Instead, I kissed her cheek, hoping that would convey to her that she should stick it out. I needed her to.

I loved her too much to see her leave.