Azriel: The Silent Warrior

Females are torture

Azriel P.O.V

I knew she was staring at me. I noticed it almost every morning, even though she was pretty good at looking like she wasn't staring at me. But I knew, partly because of my shadows.

I looked up, making sure my face showed nothing I was feeling, and gave Gwyn a small, professional, smile. 

That was something Cassian had grated into me. Not like I would ever do anything like that to anyone, but I understood why Cassian felt like that. Especially with Nesta. But the day before I'd first come up here to help train the females, he'd given me a whole lecture, I guess you could call it, on making sure I was extremely careful about what I said and did around the priestesses. A lot of them had scary and painful memories of their pasts, and I had to make sure I didn't so much as look at them without being completely professional looking. 

Not that I would ever look at any of them like that. With Mor... It's hard. I love the female with everything I am. I have for hundreds of years, and I know I will until I'm long gone from this world. But the fact that I don't deserve her is what gets me every time. I know that if I really wanted to, if I begged her, she would sleep with me, even if she didn't want to. She would act like she wants to, act like she loves me like that, but looking at her...I know she doesn't. And that's whats hard. 

Not that I deserve her anyway. A princess is what she is, in reality. The daughter of the Steward of the Hewn City. So maybe not princess, but more royal blooded than I ever would be. And that's the problem. I'm a bastard-born nobody, a quiet shadowsinger that deserves nothing more than a life in the background, doing Rhys's dirty work.

Sighing internally, I turned to the priestesses gathered in front of me. Seven of them, four with their hoods pulled down, three much more scared looking. Looking over them, I realized how much work we really had to do. Not that I didn't want to help them. I did want to. But seeing how scared they looked, how much they would have to do to even be able to defend themselves, I knew it would take a while.

And maybe this made me a sort of coward, but I didn't feel like I should be doing this. I didn't deserve to be up here, doing something so civilized and professional and normal. My duty was what Rhys usually had me doing. Spying on enemies, torturing answers out of them, slaughtering without thought to protect my family. Not...

A male voice in my head shook me out of my thoughts. What's going on up there? You okay?

I'm fine. A pointed pause, then, Are you sure?

I'm fine, Rhys. Busy, actually. An unbelieving laugh sounded. Sure. I know what you're thinking, Az. And you do deserve this kind of work. I know you well. Cassian might be a little harsh on you-

A little? He laughed again. Fine, a lot. But I understand. Just...be patient with him, if you have to, and, well, look at those four. They have their hoods down. Another pause. They trust you, Az. So do I.

Thanks. But really, I'm busy. 

Fine. Don't wear yourself out too much. Before I could give him an answer, he was gone.

Shaking my head, I cleared my throat. Cassian looked over, but I waved him off. Turning back to the females, I said, "We'll work with stretches today, if that's fine with you all." They nodded, the ones with hoods on more shyly, and I made sure nothing was showing on my face before getting into position.

"You might want some room, so-" I put my arms out-"maybe this much room between each of you." They moved around, making sure they had enough room, and I started leading them through the stretches. After a few minutes, they were all panting and sweating.