ALMOST MAYBES

𝗗𝗔𝗡𝗖𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗠𝗨𝗦𝗜𝗖

Brendon Urie can be impulsive and spontaneous, only a few people can handle him when he is sober, and even fewer people when intoxicated. Somehow I just happen to be able to so do both of them. You see, Brendon is my best friend, has been since we were like three or something like that. But the thing is, I kinda want to be more than friends, I have wanted it this way for many years into our friendship. But, I don't want to mess up the good thing we have, and not to mention, he's straight. Well, he hasn't come out to me, his best friend.

I came out to Brendon when we were sixteen, and that was nine years ago. The best, or maybe the worst part about his reaction is that he wasn't all that phased by the information, it was like he already knew. Perhaps it's because he's my best friend and he just knows these things. If that's the case, then why can't I figure out his sexuality?

Brendon claims to be straight, but I'm never introduced to a new girlfriend. I guess you can say we're closer than mere friends. We've been living together since college, and no one is ever brought home.

It was around midnight while I sat on the sofa, mindlessly watching that terrible infomercial where you never want to buy what they're selling unless you're old or stupid, maybe both. I have insomnia, so this was a common occurrence.

What wasn't common was Brendon walking into our apartment with dark shades covering his eyes, slamming the front door before storming off to his bedroom, also slamming that door. I know not to pry or go check to see if he is okay because he will shut me out, so I return my attention to the dumb commercial.

I'm not certain how much time passed before I finally fell asleep on the sofa and was woken by the feeling of someone leaning against my shoulder. I know it's Brendon even in my groggy state and let him be, even if I want to pull him closer, kiss him and tell him that I love him. But, I will never get the chance.

Brendon slowly lifts his head, and even in the darkness, I can see the bruise around his right eye. I never wanted to harm anyone, let alone kill them, but at that moment, I wanted to end whoever hit my - Brendon. But, that's the thing, he isn't mine.

"W - What happened, B?" I softly whisper while slowly reaching for the bruise.

"It - It's nothing, Dall. Just some stupid kid thought he was hot shit at the bar." I can see Brendon's eyebrow twitch, a thing he does while lying.

"Don't lie to me about something like this, Brendon. Who did this to you?" I say more firmly, letting my hand fall to my lap.

"I - Dallon, I honestly don't know what his name was. He was hitting on me at the bar, and Spencer stepped in before it got worse. We went our separate ways and everything was okay.. until we left the bar. He must have gotten his friends because it was four against two. It's nothing, Dall."

Brendon was the only person that could call me Dall without being instantly murdered. Call it sentiment if you want.

"It's not okay! Men shouldn't be hitting on a straight man at a bar, and not only that, learn how to take the damn hint." I was furious, my voice becoming louder with each word that left my lips. It was a good thing that the apartments were separated and far apart.

Brendon was silent while he looks over my features. It was something that he often did while he was thinking.

Without much thought, he got to his feet and stood in front of me for a few seconds, still looking over my features in silence.

"May I sit there?" Brendon softly asked.

I honestly thought he was talking about sitting next to me, just like he was seconds ago, maybe even on the other side of me. But, that's not what he meant at all. I finally meet his gaze and see that he is looking down at my... lap.

"Th - that's my lap." I was dumbfounded. Why would Brendon want to sit on my lap if he was straight? Maybe it was for simple comfort, and I would gladly give it to him to be supportive regardless of my comfort that would soon become uncomfortable.

"That doesn't answer my question, Dallon. May I sit there?"

"I -" I was hesitant before slowly nodding my head. Brendon didn't waste any time and slowly sat on my lap, throwing his legs over mine, laying his head on my shoulder.

The urge to reach up and comb my hand through his hair that smelled like strawberry and cream was strong and I didn't stop myself.

A soft noise left Brendon while he relaxed into my hold. In all honesty, I thought this would creep out any straight man, but then again he probably just wanted comfort from a friend.

Brendon's cracked voice broke the relaxed silence. "So, you think I'm straight?" He asked, mindlessly playing with the top button of my shirt.

"Well, Yeah. Aren't you? You never came out to me, and you never gave me a reason to think any differently. You ARE straight, right?" Call it selfish, but I secretly hoped that he would say no. But, even if he is gay, that still doesn't mean he would want to be with me.

There was another long silence between us before Brendon finally spoke up again. "You're so dumb, Dallon Weekes."

I was a little offended, but only raised a brow and looked down at the top of Brendon's head. "Oh yeah, how so?"

"Well, since I have to spell it out for you now, I might as well get it all out." Brendon paused and sat straighter in my lap. His face was inches from mine. "I'm not straight, Dall. And I'm kind of madly in love with you."

"Is this some kind of prank?" I quickly asked when my brain finally caught up.

"Why would I prank you about my sexuality, let alone the fact that I love you." Brendon frowns, looking down at his hands that were in his lap. "Look, I knew I shouldn't have said anything because youproblydontfeelthesameway. God, I'm so stupid. I just fucked up the only good thing in my life."

Brendon was having a panic attack at this point and quickly left my lap, pacing the room.

I silently watched him pace for a few seconds before it became too much for me to watch. I quickly stood and gently grabbed him by the shoulders to stop the pacing. "Look at me," I softly demanded. Brendon's eyes didn't move from the floor because I'm almost certain he was crying. "Brendon Boyd Urie, look at me right now." I could see a small flinch before his eyes slowly moved to meet mine. It was rare that we used each other's full names. And just as I thought, tears were falling from his beautiful chocolate eyes. I never wanted to see him cry. It was one thing I vowed to never make him do as his best friend, yet here I am breaking that vow.

"Brendon," I take a deep breath because this can't be happening, this only happens in dumb romcoms. "Let me tell you my side of the story..."