not quite goodbye - a reddie story :)

part 2 - his funeral

"-eddie was a wonderful, bright young man, and we will all miss him-"
"-he has a special place in heaven-"
"-son of Ms. Kaspbrak-"
Richie could barely pay attention, he was too busy desperately trying to hold back his tears. He knew he shouldn't have shown up, he hates crying in front people.
"Are you doing alright rich?" Mike whispers to him.
Richie nods as tears start sliding down his face, it burned his cheeks, he felt overwhelmed with shame. This wasn't supposed to happen, he's supposed to be the loud trashmouth who isn't afraid of anything, who never cries, who makes everyone smile. He shouldn't be crying right now. His throat felt like it was closing up, a blanket of grief covered his face, suffocating him, he couldn't escape.
Ben, who had just recently arrived was staring worriedly at him as the other losers were, he was whispering to beverly who whispered something richie couldn't hear back.
That was it, he couldn't take it anymore. He stands up and squeezes past ben, bev and Mike, exiting the row as hastily as he could. "Richie! Where are you going!?" Stan whisper-shouts at him. Richie could barely hear him, there was a ringing in his ears, he couldn't focus, so he runs away. Like a fucking coward. Richie tozier is a goddamn coward. He runs as fast as he can until he reaches the bathroom. He locks himself inside and turns around with his back against the door as if someone was gonna break it down any second now. And that's when he lets it happen, he fucking ugly cries like a child who didn't get that puppy in the window. He slides down to the floor, not caring how cold and dirty it is, and he curls up there sobbing and hyperventilating.
After a while of this he hears knocking on the door.
"Richie? Are you okay?" Mike's voice calls out. Richie doesn't answer, he stays there curled up on the filthy floor with those burning tears pouring down with no stopping. He can hear beverly and bill talking quietly, but he can't make out the words.
"Get up you dumbass" a familiar voice says sharply. Richie looks up, he knows this voice.
"Eds?" Richie asks, full of hope, by now he was desperate, even if it wasn't real, which he knew it wasn't, he wanted that voice to respond. And to his great disappointment, nothing, silence. But still, he silently waits, tears still streaking down his now slightly dirty face. There's louder knocking at the door and the doorknob rattles.
"O-open up r-rich" bill says sternly.
"Be gentle you idiot, he's upset" richie hears beverly say.
But richie stays still, he doesn't move a muscle although he hears one of the losers on the other side picking the lock.
Soon enough they get it open and push through richie. Mike immediately drops in front of him and gently hugs him.
(We love Mike, I don't appreciate mike slander here 😤
I mean, c'mon, he's a total sweetheart)

Richie lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Beverly starts getting some paper towels wet with warm water while ben stands beside her. Bill and Stan were probably still outside guarding the bathroom as of they were nowhere to be seen.
Richie stays still and silent as Mike moves back and allows beverly to carefully wipe off his face.
"I- I'm sorry" he whispers.
"Hey, it's okay" Ben replies.
"Yeah, at least you tried" bev adds.
Mike just nods.
Richie stands up and takes a deep breath.
"I wanna go home"
"Yeah, you kind of have to now, the funeral is just about over" stan says, poking his head into the bathroom.
"Is r-rich okay?" Bill asks.
Richie nods and looks away. Had he seriously missed the last parts of the funeral just because he was a bit upset? He fucking hated himself for that, how damn disrespectful.
Mike escorts richie out of the church and over to his bike.
"Do you want to go alone or should one of us go with you?" He asks.
Richie shakes his head no, there's no way he wants someone around him after that, but he can't say that, in fact, he can't even open his mouth or the tears will start flowing again.
So he mounts his bike and speeds off, not saying goodbye to any of them. He felt like an asshole for that but he couldn't stand to be there any more.
It wasn't long before he started crying again, he wasn't even halfway home. Why was this so hard? Why can't he just let go?
I mean, yeah, eddie meant the world to him but he's just being unreasonable now.
He feels like a fool, maybe it was his fault eddie was gone. Maybe he could've saved him.
But no, he didn't, he just had to be late, didn't he?
It's my fucking fault, I could've helped him, I shouldn't have let him go there without me. Thats all richie tells himself.
And maybe he's right.