The Lucky One

Chapter Four

The night had already come to an end. Cate had been waiting for her girlfriend for hours by the living room couch. The only thing filling her ears was the ticking of the clock. She knew she should sleep, or if that wasn't possible, read scripts for her early morning casting call, but her girlfriend hadn't respond to her texts since 4 P.M., and she was badly concerned. Her eyelids were already too heavy since she was so tired, but then the door to their house opened, revealing her girlfriend, dressed in a cream blouse and jeans. Her girlfriend's expression was unfathomable, but she couldn't help, but noticed her girfriend's red swollen eyes. Cate got up from the couch without hesitation and greeted her girlfriend with a hearty hug by the door.

"Honey," The blonde sweetly spoke as she dropped a kiss on the brunette's head before she gently touched her face and made her look at her, "What happened?"

And with that question, the weight of her wasting bones increased, gradually taking down the flickering strength the brunette had on her knees. She tried to suck her sobs up, but the events that had happened were burning fatally inside her skin and so she ended up sobbing.

"Honey, what happened?"

"I was there and swear to God, I tried. I tried to save that little girl from dying, but..." She shook her head, walked away from the blonde as she hugged herself, "...the - an artery broke and she lost a lot of blood. I'm so fucking stupid. I am so --"

Cate rushed to shut her up by rushing towards her with a kiss. Her girlfriend tried to shook her away, in an attempt to continue her self-guilt, but the blonde wrapped her hands tightly around her girlfriend's waist and despite the tears that were staining on her lover's cheeks, she breathed and kissed her lovingly. And with a sigh, the brunette reciprocated the kiss. She kissed her back with a love that was flowing out terribly. In the dusk of dawn, while the world was asleep, they shared a moonlit kiss.

"You, my darling..." Cate leaned her forehead on her lover's as they broke the kiss, "...is not stupid. You are the world's greatest resident doctor and God knows that you did everything you can."

"I feel so --"

"You're brilliant." Cate cut her off as she placed a kiss on her neck, "You're amazing." She continued as her hands moved to open the buttons of her girlfriend's blouse, "You." She pulled her through the waist and kissed her collarbone, "...are not..." she licked her neck down to her cleavage, "stupid."

While the whole world was asleep, with the golden moon as their witness, they made love.

"Sandra, please..." Cate begged as she rushed to block her body from the doorway so Sandra could not close it, "Please..."

Her voice was not weak, yet Sandra knew that beneath her tone was a million of beggings wanting to be spoken out. Sandra froze by the door, her hand still holding the knob. There was a lingering pain and unsaid longing on the blonde's face, and though Cate was drunk, Sandra knew that she was still sane and aware. But how could she listen to the blonde's plea when she couldn't even listen to her own?

"Don't..." Cate broke the silence, her tears fell, "Don't try to close the door on me again." She looked right through Sandra's eyes, "Don't please."

And Sandra knew what Cate meant. The blonde stayed still, waiting for what? A second chance? Mayhap, but Sandra was firm on the decision that she did two years ago.

"You are drunk." Sandra blurted.

Cate shrugged her shoulders, tears still spilling down her cheeks, "And even though I am sober, I still cannot unlove you."

There was a definite silence and Sandra's mind started to bubble with the moments that she had shared with the woman in front of her. And as she stood by the door, the sadness and the regret carved their way out of her ribs. Was she that stupid to let go of her? She could have held, she knew, but she also knew that holding would do them no good.

"It's been two years, Cate."

"Yes, it has been that long." The blonde spoke, emphasizing the word that as she replied, "And it has been two depressive years, and no matter how hard I try to do what you did - to let go, erase me from your life, bury our love deep down, I still cannot."

"Stop making it this hard."

"Hard? Is this hard for you?" Cate retorted, "Because if yes, it does not look like it because it was just so easy for you to end us!"

"You should go home. You are still in your gown, and you are drun--"

"I know I am fucking drunk, Sandra! I know!" She cut her off, her tears dashed off again, "I know I am drunk..." She spokely softly this time, "But that time when you said you will never leave me, I did not think that you were making a promise that you couldn't keep." She wiped her tears, "Won my first Oscar tonight, but fuck it." She laughed, "I knew I deserve more because for two years, I am so great at pretending that it didn't hurt, when honestly, it did. And every single day, I am mourning over someone who is still alive. Goodnight."

Cate retreated back and when she turned her back against Sandra, it was when the brunette let go of the tears that she was holding back and as she watched the blonde going away, she knew deeply that Cate was sobbing too.

Somewhere in those long vodka afternoons, in those drunken midnight drives; somewhere in her hundred of letters she never sent, in the calls she never made and in the sorries she never uttered, Sandra wept for a love she took for granted.

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