He shifts so he faces me and holds up one finger.
“Promise you won’t interrupt.” I sigh and nod, almost eagerly, gesturing at him for the explanation. The words I’ve waited three years for. The answer to my pain. He takes a nervous breath, twisting his college ring around his finger, the ring with the inscription that matches the one in mine. I instinctively reach for mine, sliding it up and down on my hand, suddenly nervous.
“So during spring break of senior year, I went on that mission trip to Haiti, remember? And I had really been praying about us Aves, what I was supposed to do and all, and I felt so connected to Christ, and you weren’t there, but I felt connected to you even more than usual, for some reason, and I felt like I was ready. So the day we got back, I called Tessa and Bev, and asked if they could meet me to talk, and I swear Aves they knew what was coming. I swear they did. I met up with them and I explained all of it to them, and they were so excited. It was ridiculous.”
He pauses with a smile, running a hand through his hair. “They are definitely something else. You really picked the two strangest girls on earth to be your best friends. Tess kept saying something about Wonder Woman, and Beverley just kept bouncing around like she was the one getting engaged.” I hold up my hand.
“You were talking to them about proposing?!?!” He reaches for my arm and puts my hand back down.
“No interrupting,” he says. “And yes Avery. That’s exactly what I was talking about. What did you think?” I open my mouth. “That was rhetorical,” he says with a dismissive wave, continuing on. “Anyways, so we were talking, and gosh darn it, being the miserably poor college student I was, I really couldn’t afford a ring for you, babe.” My breath catches on the term of endearment, but he doesn’t notice, or at least pretends not to. “So I waited. I was barely getting by as it was, and I didn’t want to stress you out any extra, because I knew exams were coming and I love you more than that. I thought, alright, this will be perfect, I can propose right after graduation, exams will be over, we can get married over the winter break or something. But of course I, like the ignorant fool I usually am, totally and completely overlooked the fact that you were going to Ecuador the day after graduation for a month. I remembered about a week after, and so instead of an engagement ring, I bought you a promise ring. I had every intention of giving it to you right before you left. But of course, we didn’t get any time together for a good month before exams, and by graduation, I felt so distant from you Avery. It suddenly didn’t feel right anymore. It seemed like we didn’t have anything to say to each other. I hated leaving it on that note when you left, and I beat myself up over it every day you were gone. And you got home, and I was afraid of you. Afraid by then that you didn’t love me anymore, that you would say no. I didn’t want to- to” he pauses for a breath, “I didn’t want you to hurt me any more than I wanted to hurt you. So I let us hang in the awkwardness for a bit, but when I tried to reach back out and fix us, I didn’t know what I was doing. I know you remember that. You laughed right in my face when I suggested taking a cooking class together, or when I wanted to watch every Star Trek movie in one sitting.” I nod, knowing for a fact that it was a terrible idea. He looks at his hands, squeezing them together.
He takes a shuddering breath, and I bite my lip, trying to think of something to say, but there just aren’t words for what I want to say. It feels like a different emotion is pressing in on me from all sides, like I’m in a box. Hurt on one side, anger on another, confusion, sadness, emptiness, they all fight for my attention. But the one that stands out to me, the one that shouldn’t belong, is love. I sit here looking at him, his messed up hair, his red eyes, the scars that cover his hands from various stupid things, the idiot who broke my heart and left without a word, and all I can really focus on is how much I still love him, and how much I hate that I do. He cracks his knuckles, takes another deep breath, and continues.
YOU ARE READING
A Change of Plans
ChickLitAfter he left her without a word, Avery planned on never having to deal with Jackson again. But when he shows up next to her on an airplane, three years later, with his heart on his sleeve and his wit in his eyes, Avery's world takes a 180 degree tu...
