The Adventures of BFF!Bill and tiger

The cranky forest excursion

Did you..." Bill paused, rolling his lips under his teeth to stop the snicker from escaping his mouth, "Did you actually just...stamp your foot at me?"

His amused eyes met your glare, and you looked so angry it was almost adorable. Your cheeks red, your hair in a messy ponytail, your brows were pinched in an angry scowl. You were grinding your teeth, he could tell by the tick in your jaw, and your lips were rolled into thin lines as you frowned.

"Bill," you seethed, and it was eerily calm, "We have been walking for hours. Hours. I am tired, I am hot, I am fed up, and I want to go back to the cabin. For wine. A lot of wine."

"It's only been two hours, kid," he said, "The hike has another 4 to go. Come on, look around you. It's beautiful." He extended a hand to help you up the rock, but you didn't budge.

You clenched your fists, willing yourself not to pick up a rock and launch it at his head.

"Listen to me, you Swedish son of a bitch," you pointed your finger threateningly at him, "I am done. You hear me? Done. So enjoy running around this black-fly paradise in your loincloth, fuckhead."

And with that you spun on your heel, stalking back through the thick trees towards the direction in which you came.

"Tiger," you heard him call out, and you turned. Even from a distance, you could see the smirk on his face.

"What, Bill?"

"We uh...we came from that way, kid," and he pointed in the direction opposite of where you were heading. Letting out a frustrated cry, you turned and started stomping the other way.

He hopped off the rock, landing gracefully and catching up to you in a few strides.

"Tiger, hey, hang on a minute okay," and he stood in your way; you tried to move past him but he placed his hands on your shoulders to stop you.

"Are you hungry, kid?" He brought his backpack to the front, opening a zipper and taking a protein bar out. He handed it to you but you smacked it out of his hand, not breaking eye contact as it fell to the ground.

"Fuck you, Tarzan," you said, "I didn't even want to hike today but you said it was an easy one and now I am being eaten alive by bugs and this was supposed to be a relaxing getaway and I'm already so tired and.."

"Okay, okay, let's take a little break then," He interrupted your rant, bending to pick the protein bar up and gently grabbing your elbow. You squirmed out of his grip but followed him as he led you away.

"I don't want a break I want the hammock that is perched so beautifully outside of our cabin and the lake that is flickering like diamonds in this sunlight and the chilled bottle of sangria I have in the fridge and sex, but alone because I hate you..." you continued to lace into him.

"I know, I know," he said, in a tone that made you want to smack him. Pulling a thin blanket from his bag, he spread it out on a flat, grassy area and plunked his bag on it, crouching to pull out a small empty baggie.

"Sit," he jutted his chin at a spot on the blanket.

"You fucking sit, George of the Jungle," you raised your middle finger, jamming it in the air, "In fact why don't you go ahead and sit on—"

He stood, gently placing a large hand over your mouth. He raised his eyebrows at you in challenge.

"Stop fighting me for just once in your life, tiger. Shut up, and sit the fuck down."

You rolled your eyes, batting his hand away but did as you were told. He kneeled beside you.

"Drink," he handed you a water canteen, and pointed a finger at you in warning when you opened your mouth to protest. Scowling, you grabbed it roughly from his hand and had a few sips.

"Eat," he unwrapped the protein bar, wiggling it near your mouth. You bit into it, shoving nearly half of it in your mouth and making sure you bit down on one of his fingers just for good measure. He sighed heavily in exasperation.

"Stay here for a few minutes," he stood again, taking a quick glance at your surroundings.

"Fucking make me," you grumbled, the other half of the protein bar stuffed in your mouth.

"I mean it, tiger," he leaned to tap your chin, making you look at him, "You have no idea what fucking direction you're in and where you're going. Stay here, I'll be back in 5 minutes."

With a kiss that he barely got on your cheek before you shoved him away, he disappeared into the thick forest in front of you.

"If I get eaten by a fucking bear, that would really make my day," you yelled after him, but he was already gone.

Reemerging a few minutes later, the baggie he held was filled to the brim with ripe, colourful berries of all kinds.

"Sweden's finest," he said, popping one in his mouth and settling down next to you.

"What the actual fuck Bill," you looked at the baggie, "You disappear for 5 minutes and come back with a bag full of the bounty of the forest? That is some next level Pocahontas shit."

He laughed, shoving his sunglasses into his hair as he squinted at you.

"I grew up in these woods, kid," he explained, "There's berry bushes all around. Try one."

"No. They're probably covered in bear piss," you grumbled. He threw one at your face, laughing as it bonked your forehead and fell into your lap.

"Well you've already got bear piss on your face now, so may as well."

You glared at him, throwing the fruit back at him but taking a fresh one from the baggie. Much to your dismay, it really was delicious. He tossed the bag more towards you, coaxed you into drinking some more water. After a few minutes you laid down, staring up at the sky between the thick trees. The snack had helped, and you finally started to appreciate your surroundings.

"You know," you started, "it really is beautiful here."

Bill rolled his eyes, laying down and resting his head on your stomach.

"You're a nuisance kid, you know that?" He grumbled, "A real pain in my ass."

"Fuck you, I was hungry. You should know better than to ever let me leave the house hungry or horny," you snapped.