Stars That Don't Shine

Aaron looks at the sky above, wishing he could see the stars again. If he could see him shining up there. The cold air had forced him to don a jacket and a scarf, but nothing could replace the warmth he once felt, in the arms of his lover. He takes another step closer to the edge of the roof, the wind now biting at his face and howling melodies of heartbreak. He looks down below, the lights of the city spread out under his feet and the sounds of distant life.

"Up here," his boyfriend said, "we could fly, fly so far and wide that nothing in this world could stop us" Then he turned to him and held his hands, giving him a smile that had made Aaron realize that he was in love. For the first time ever, Aaron knew what it was to be someone's number one, their most precious person. He didn't want to let him go– let them go.

Now he's coming up here wanting to simply fall. He scoffs at the cruel irony of it all. His breath clouds in front of him and Aaron backs away from the edge. He's been coming here often these days since this is where he feels closest to him.

Once again, he looks up at the sky, a single star is looking down at him. Aaron lifts his fingers to his face, surprised at the tears rolling down. His breath rattles in his chest, and soon he's crying. He falls to his knees, struggling to breathe; he lays his head on the ground, the cold embracing him in its clutches as he falls apart. His fists clench inside his pocket and his fingers brush against a piece of paper. He cries even harder, screaming at the world for taking his life away, his throat parched and his lips bleed in the cold, but he does not move.

Aaron curls up on the ground, holding on to the piece of paper like a lifeline and the tears on his cheeks frozen in time. He starts talking then, the first words he's said in days, maybe months, who knows. "I love you. That's what I wanted to say that day. I'm sorry I could never say it. And I'm sorry I let you go." His throat closes up on more unshed tears, but he continues, the wind carrying his whisper into the empty space. "I miss you. So much, I miss you every day. You know, I can't go into our room anymore, because everything reminds me of you. It's been one year, and not a single second goes by where I don't wish you were here with me. I'd give up anything to hold you again– I just want to see you again, Sam."

Nobody is there to pick him up this time, to comfort him when he needs it the most.

---

Sam lays next to his boyfriend, wishing he could touch him. Talk to him. Just let him know that he's still here. That he's always there. He brushes his phantom hands against Aaron's cheek, pretending to wipe away the tears there while his own blur his vision. "I love you, Aaron," he confesses. Like he did that day, one year ago, on this same rooftop. "I don't know how we came to be like this, but I promise you, my love, this is not the end for us." He brushed his hand through Aaron's hair, and held his head close to his heart, desperately wishing he could be with his boyfriend without worlds separating them. "If I have to fight the fates, I will. I will do anything just to be with you, love. If we get another chance at life, another chance to be with each other, not even the cruellest of gods can get in my way."

Sam was fading away now, his hands shimmering like stardust. His tears were falling freely now and he couldn't wipe them away, to appear strong one last time. To shield his lover one last time. To protect him. He couldn't do anything. So he knelt by his lover and cried. He cried until he could no longer. Until he was nothing but the stars overhead, forever looking down on life but too far to reach his love.

Aaron wakes up on the rooftop as a cold chill settles over him. He takes out the photo he's been holding onto, a polaroid dated to a year ago. Sam had his hands around Aaron's shoulder and they were both smiling with the light of a million stars in their eyes.

As if on cue, another star appears in the sky above, directly over Aaron's head. Snow falls in gentle spirals, one landing on Aaron's forehead like a soft kiss and melts immediately. Aaron had never felt more alone.