Mechanical Life

Mechanical Life

One day I awoke in this world I called second life, I would come on to this world day after day meeting new people after people.But non hit me as hard as this one person.

It was in a world that was vast, magical, ambient, filled with mystery and adventure.

Standing high above a tower, I would turn and face you, and you would look back into my eyes.

And together we became a strong team, journeying through many an adventure the two of us. It didn't matter where we came from or who we were.What mattered was who we were in that world together, that was all that mattered, that was all that was special to us. 

And it was only then when you helped me open my eyes, to realize that you were a real person that I began to believe and care about.

I saw you there standing out from others, I had no idea what an impact you would bring to me.

Right there and then I became more fascinated, as we continued talking more and more. Crossing through the portal there you stand with your companions named many a similar name and yet each unique from each other.I chuckled at the uniqueness of each name and wanted to join in so I similarly named one of my own.

And in such a way it started a small connection between the two of us.

A connection that sprouted into something even stronger.When I heard your voice for the first time it felt surreal, something I have never heard before I felt something special...Something mysterious about it...Each day that went by, I felt myself sinking deeper and deeper into this world that ran by a mechanical machine.A mechanical life...My mechanical life, where I could venture wide and free with you.

We met people, befriended them, and made a home for all of us.

We were happy, we were laughing.We sang, we made it more interesting with fun gifts.All those memories... I wish it could have stayed happy like that...

Nothing will be as special as the moment when we walked into that big city when you looked at me as I was against the wall talking about deep things, I couldn't even begin to understand.

But I had the strong desire to. And we only began the bond after standing under a cherry blossom tree, with the heat of blush across our cheeks.

We traveled deep into dungeons together with your swift power, and my strong determination.

You became hope, joy, happiness. My world, I turned to you with everything. I wanted to be the same to you.But what I found deep under, was something not quite what I expected to find.Something I couldn't even begin to understand.

Even to this day... I wonder... It always follows every waking moment of my mind.

I wonder... What was real. What wasn't? What I could believe, What I couldn't.What could be trusted, what couldn't be?Before I was faced with such uncertainty, I was filled with trust for this being of a person. Regardless of what was known for by others.

I wanted to believe in this person. I didn't care what was done, what was said. I would smile and believe and follow regardless.

I felt the hands that slowly traveled up my body by this person, this mysterious force of a being, that became more chaotic, more poetic.With such passion, such devotion, such cunning words that were breathed into my ears, words of wanting to protect me, to keep me safe,and yet hurt me at the same time.They made me lust more, made me more curious.

My curiosity though... Was my downfall sadly. Our downfall.

Unfortunate things had begun to spin under the wheel, I couldn't stop any of them, the betrayal, the pain, the sadness...I always wondered if there was anything I could have done or could do to keep what was so amazing. So beautiful. So pure.I was lost... I was confused, sad... Breaking... All that was built, that I relied on that I would always escape to from another world.

My safe home fell apart.

What I once thought was love, warmth, comfort. It hated me, it wanted things I couldn't even begin to imagine from me.I couldn't comprehend or believe it...

It became so foreign... I could barely recognize it... But I wanted it to all be a nightmare...

Begging, I became more pathetic and miserable... More and more lost and confused...What I had fallen so deep for, what I swore NO matter what I would accept and loved rejected me. I felt abandoned, not needed anymore.I was useless to them, thrown away.I reached out... To a beautiful yet savage smirk...

With no idea how to save what became precious, I ran to the only place in this mechanical world of a life I had built with my other half...

I prayed that they would meet me here, that all that I heard and witnessed was a lie.As I stood on that tower... Wishing and begging to see you again... My knees sank as I sat there looking out to a bare wasteland that was beautiful scenery between you and me.

This place was where you and I would come to. Where we would hear each other's voices.

And we would laugh and sing, and talk and get to know each other more.It was our safe little place...My heart dropped more and more realizing you were not going to come back...And then there you came.Apologizing.. begging for forgiveness.. and yet I was so confused and broken... I didn't know what to believe...

I tried to convince myself that I forgive you... But who was I fooling...

We escaped to another world, hoping it would be a new safe place for us, filled with more memories... Nothing quite as special as the music we made and played for each other under another barren wasteland with one small oasis, that sparkled down a stream of serenity.A place Where I thought we could be safe and content the two of us...And yet... It too slowly fell apart...We fell apart...

Leaving behind all these questions to me... That still goes unanswered...

Was any of it real? Was it all just a dream?Was it just a game?Did any of it matter?

I sometimes go back to thinking about this... And I miss it... And yet... I have to bear the reality... That it never was real...

For I never will get the real answer... Will I?And yet I hopeless feel that person's shadow as it lingers covering over my eyes, making me see the flash of all those feelings, that I kept buried deep into my heart... And questions that resurface, that I wish I could ask you...

Only to fail once again over and over tearing the scars... Reopening them...

Please... Can all of this make sense to me.. Or can it just disappear.