Clash Of Cultures

33. I Know You

Noor

My cardiology rotation was a lot more interesting than I thought it would be. I told myself it was all because the heart is such a complex organ, and the way the different chambers are connected and work in sync is absolutely fascinating. But to be completely transparent, the last two weeks on this rotation had also given me an opportunity to interact with Salman and his sister without the constant tension between us. Mustafa had made steady progress over the last few days which had put everyone in a better mood as well.

Salman seemed happier to be with his sister, than I had ever seen him before. I wished I could ask him how he was really handling everything but that felt inappropriate, especially now that we were in this friendly colleague space. I did not want to jeopardize my relationship with him any further, so I kept our conversations mostly about about updates on his nephew's condition.

Sara, Salman's sister, and I had become quite friendly as well. Whenever I visited her son's room we would inevitably end up chatting about food or TV dramas or just complain about the Chicago weather. In another life, we could have been good friends. At the moment becoming friends with her felt like I was crossing a line with Salman as well. So I tried to keep my distance. Though that wasn't always possible.

One day, after we had finished rounds on Mustafa, Sara whispered in my ear, "I made bun kababs today, and I have extra for you! Come have lunch with me"

Bun kababs are a popular street food in Pakistan, and are made of a spicy meat patty, along with with delicious chutneys in the middle of a burger bun. I hadn't had them since coming to the US. My mouth was already watering, but I really did not want to burden her. Her son was still intubated in the hospital, she should not be making food for me.

"Wow, thanks so much Sara! But honestly you already have so much on your plate right now I am not sure you should be cooking for anyone else"

"Nonsense! We are practically family. If I can cook for my brother occasionally, I can cook for you", Sara said grabbing my hand

Practically family? In what world?

"I don't know what your brother will think, besides I am on call tonight"

"Oh don't worry about Salman. He can be thick headed sometimes, but his heart is in the right place. Besides he can't stop talking about you, so I am sure he won't have any problem with us having lunch", Sara said grinning at me, "You have to eat sometime, right? Even if you are on call"

"He talks about me?", I still felt butterflies in my stomach sometimes when I was with him, but for the most part I had been able to ignore that feeling and move on. I wasn't sure if Salman had ever felt that way, but it was weird that he would talk to his sister about me.

Sara's smile disappeared suddenly, "My brother is a complicated man. But despite everything that happened to him when we were younger, I am so proud of who he has become. That is why it breaks my heart to see what he is going through right now"

I looked at her, trying to read her facial expression, "What is he going through right now?"

She put a hand on my shoulder and said solemnly, "You should talk to him", before turning to go back in to her son's room. 

What was I supposed to talk to him about? I could never admit to him that I had feelings for him, however, conflicted they were. And if he admitted to having feelings for me, it would just needlessly complicate my life further. In summary, there was no reason to talk to him.

I did end up having lunch with Sara, and while the bun kebabs were delicious the conversation was slightly awkward as I consciously tried to stay away from anything involving her brother. But I did find out more about her life, her husband and children. She was the same age as me but her parents, who seemed to be very conservative, had gotten her married off in the middle of undergrad and she eventually dropped out after her first daughter was born. But with the support of her husband she had enrolled in evening classes again and was on her way to becoming a college graduate. It struck me how despite having the same upbringing, she had such a lively personality and was so easy to converse with. Unlike her brother who always seemed to be carrying some hidden burden.