Emma's Six- Six Wives

June 1509- Catalina's Coronation

The next morning, I stay behind with Maria while everyone else travels downriver for the coronation. If my memory serves me well, Catalina will beat a Slitheen up with Henrat's sceptre. I would pay to see that- except I have no money. I have no choice but to stay behind with Maria and learn everything I can about Tudor England. Thank goodness she's staying behind and not a complete stranger. 'Before we begin, I must know how different our times are,' Maria says, 'so, I will need to learn the basics about your time.'
'Well, we don't share a bed with someone else unless you're together.'
'So, in a relationship?'
'Exactly.'
'That is something you must get used to. And what is with you shortening words and combining them?'
'It's common in the twenty-first century. Nothing you say will ever stop me from speaking like this.'
'If you want to settle in, you need to embrace our way of life.'
'And I will, but I will not change how I talk to fit in!'
Maria starts going over my clothes, and nothing I have fits in, not even the clothes my friends made for me. I think they made them so I get some freedom, but Maria says they're not suitable. 'Your clothes need to change. You can purchase them in a few days.'
'I don't have any money.'
'How are you expecting to get by? It will be ages until Her Grace pays you.'
'I'm sure the clothes I have will last.'
'None of it will be suitable for long.'

I like my clothes. They remind me of my friends. But I don't say this to Maria; how can I? The best I can do is wait until I get suitable clothes to wear when serving the Queen.

Next, Maria takes me over what I should do in the privy chambers and how I will entertain the queen. I can sing, which impresses Maria. However, I cannot play an instrument or dance. 'We will teach you,' Maria offers, 'it will help you attract a husband.'
'I don't want a husband!'
Maria ignores that comment and continues explaining my duties. Now I have a long list of what I must do on top of the historical events I need to remember; I don't think I can get through all of it. Is there any way I can change it somehow? No, probably not. I'll have to do the best I can.

When Maria finally finishes explaining my duties, I find I need to use the bathroom. 'Where's the bathroom?'
'What do you mean?'
'I need to use the little girl's room.' Maria still looks confused. What can I say to make her understand? Oh, I know! 'I need to use the privy.'
'Ah, use a chamber pot. There should be one under your bed.' I look under my bed and find it. Maria discreetly turns away, and I try to work out how to use it.

When I finish, I feel humiliated. If only I could go to the toilet in private! If only privacy were a thing here! I also feel uncomfortable- there is no toilet paper here. I put the chamber pot back and follow Maria as she leads me into another room.

I want this to end already!

Eventually, Queen Catherine and the rest of the royal household return. 'Maria, have my ladies told you about what happened at my coronation?'
'No, Your Grace, they have not. What happened?'
'A man stopped the coronation and said he could not allow my husband to rule England! He then opened his forehead, and a green creature popped out! He said he was a Slikeen-'
'Slitheen, Your Grace,' I instantly say, 'it was a Slitheen.'
'I beg your pardon, Mistress Smith-White?'
'The creature you encountered today was a Slitheen from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorious.' Why am I explaining this in front of everyone? I should have taken Queen Catherine to one side and explained it in private!
'You have met these Slitheen before?'
'Yes, Your Grace. I've met them loads of times- they're always trying to get rich off of Earth's suffering, so I don't know why one would stop the coronation.'
'Come with me, Mistress Smith-White.' Queen Catherine leads me out of the Queen's apartments, and I follow her, with the ladies-in-waiting flanking me.

We continue walking until we reach the King's apartments, and we curtsey to the new King. He sits on a magnificent gold throne in front of the doors, so there is no hiding from him. We see him in all his glory. Most of the ladies-in-waiting dissolve into the shadows, except for two beside me, trying to keep me in place. 'My dear Catherine,' King Henry says when Queen Catherine rises from her curtsey. 'To what do I owe this pleasure?'
'Do you remember the creature at our coronation?'
'Indeed, I do.'
'Mistress Smith-White knows what it is and where it is from.'
King Henry looks over at me. 'Please explain, Mistress Smith-White.'
'The creature you two saw today didn't originate from Earth. It came from another planet.'

Silence fills the room, almost suffocating me. Then, one of the men burst out laughing. 'Your Grace, your new maid-of-honour is speaking nonsense.' I turn to the man and glare at him. It seems to make him laugh harder.
'I know what I talk about, sir because I fought them before. They are from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorious, and they are a criminal family. The Slitheen try to get money any way they can, including by destroying other planets.'
'Preposterous!'
'Let Mistress Smith-White speak,' King Henry says, his gaze firmly on me. 'How do you know about the Slitheen?'
'I fought aliens during my childhood, Your Grace. They come to Earth all the time, and-' King Henry holds up his hand to silence me, and I fall quiet.
'Beings from other planets pose a threat to us?'
'Yes, Your Grace.'
'What can we do to protect ourselves? Do you have any suggestions?'
'You need to set up an organisation to combat them. But, Your Grace, not all extra-terrestrials have hostile intentions. Some are tourists, sightseers. Others are asylum seekers or trying to find their way home. We can't judge all aliens because you met one evil one that's hell-bent on Earth's destruction.'
'Are you telling me how to govern my realm?'
'No, Your Grace, not at all! The decision lies with you, no one else.'
King Henry stands up and walks towards me. The smell hits me again, and I try to not back away. King Henry stands before me and looks at me dead in the eye. 'I will talk to my privy council, see what they decide. If they do not see extra-terrestrials as a threat, then you will head a small team composing of a couple of guards and some members of both mine and the queen's household. If they see it as a threat, we will take it from there. But any knowledge you have will help us.'
'I will only supply it if you need it, Your Grace. You can't bully or torture me into giving it up.'
'I would never dream of putting a woman under torture.' Really? He will go on to do that.

Queen Catherine stays a while longer, and when she leaves, the rest of her household, myself included, follow her back to the Queen's apartments. I join Maria and the other maids-of-honour, who are all sitting on the ground and working on their embroidery. Again, I have nothing to do and wonder whether to get one of my books. I should prepare myself for what's to come. Should something unexpected happen, I want to be in a position to combat any threats to history. But I cannot leave the room without Queen Catherine's permission, and I highly doubt she will give it. I'll never know if I don't ask. Should I ask? Should I bother her? I decide not to and instead listen to the conversations around me. Most are about the coronation and the alien that almost sabotaged it. I tune out of those conversations and try to think of something interesting.

Many ladies-in-waiting and influential ladies wait on Queen Catherine, almost shielding her from the unmarried maids-of-honour. The women I sit with change their conversation from the coronation to potential husbands. Poor things won't have a choice in who they marry. That's one reason why I'm thankful to have no family here- I will never marry anyone to advance myself. All I will do is work hard and keep history on the right track. If that means I must meddle slightly to keep it there, so be it. The future comes first.