still. // nh

five

The boat was crowded, full of conversation, energy, and life, much bigger than the one I came to Maya Bay on. The air had shifted slightly, becoming slightly cooler and thicker as the sun inched ever closer to the horizon. The metal of the railing was slick under my palms, the spray of water from the other boats misting my fingers and reminding me of the popularity of Maya Bay.

Behind me, I could hear the swell of chatter from Niall and his friends, who were somehow finishing the last of the Thai beer. I was surprised at their-- or, more specifically, Niall's-- ability to remain unnoticed, casually enjoying this time with his friends without being interrupted. From the way he acted when I first met him on the beach... the slump of his shoulders, the slight anxiousness in his eyes, it seemed like it had likely happened on this trip more than he liked.

Here, though, on this boat traveling off of the coast of Maya Bay, he was so relaxed, nobody approaching him to ask for a picture, or an autograph, or what he's doing next.

I had to remind myself, again, that we weren't in the States, we weren't in LA, and outside of there, people tended to have some indication of the sense of privacy.

"Crazy to think we're actually out here, isn't it?"

I jumped slightly at Amelia's voice, not even hearing her join me on the side of the boat. She was standing just a few feet away from me, her eyes closed to the sun and the salty breeze tangling her hair. Instinctively, my hands went to the straps of my backpack, holding tight to the only sense of familiarity I had in this moment.

"Yeah, it's... I never thought I would be here, that's for sure." Which was true, of course; a year ago, I never would have imagined traveling halfway across the world to Thailand, but even just this morning, I never would have imagined traveling halfway across the sea to Maya Bay. Amelia hummed in response. "Niall said something about Boracay, and Vietnam? Did you see those places as well?"

She let out a brief laugh. "No, I was finishing up some classes, I was only just able to join Declan this week. Not everyone has the luxury these boys have of dropping everything and traveling the world," she glanced behind her, a hint of admiration in her eyes. "But anyway. What about you? Have you seen any incredible places besides Maya Bay?"

"I'm staying in a town in Phuket, Thailand, today was actually my first time off of the mainland," I shifted on my feet slightly, "Niall just... invited me to come out and see the stars, I hope that's okay, I'm not trying to intrude--"

"Not at all! Trust me," Amelia said immediately, "It doesn't bother the boys at all, we're a very welcoming group. It's the Irish in us. Plus, I technically just intruded on their trip as well, if you think about it."

I smiled as a comfortable silence settled between us, far enough out in the sea that the roar from the other boat engines was not able to be heard. The sun was touching the waves behind us, creating a scattering of lights across the water's surface. Before too long, I could start to see the faintest outline of the island.

It was then, staring out at the water, that I felt an itch in my fingers that used to be familiar, but now seemed out of place this far away from Los Angeles. I glanced around me, noticing that Amelia had gone back to the boys, the four of them stretched out on the deck chairs with their eyes closed to the last rays of the sun.

I walked a few more steps away from them, slipping my backpack around to my chest and pulling out the small, white notebook before I could really think about it. It fit in my hands so comfortably, the cover worn and bent along the edges. I leaned against the railing, the lines of the blank pages staring up at me as I lightly rolled the pen in between my thumb and pointer finger. If there was ever a place, if there was ever a time... this would definitely be it.