(sometimes not so) short storys to keep myself from falling asleep

#2 - Phoenix

She lit my world on fire.
She ignited the match and held it close to my heart from the first moment we met. Flickering flames sending heatwaves through my torso and lighting up the impluvious void in my head, gently comforting my lonely little heart aching from desiderium.
I don't think people understand how hard it can be to describe what is going on in your head when you can't even understand it yourself.

There is ataraxia flooding me whenever I get to be around her, making me float in her soothing atmosphere and leaving me shattered into millions of glimmering shards left in the dirt right after.
I don't think people understand how hard it can be to realize that the only person being able to make your aphotic inside glow in an innumerable amount of different shades of the rainbow is the very same person that you will never be able to have.

I have been in love before, I am familiar with the tingling in one's abdomen as if you just swallowed a swarm of hyperactive butterflies, familiar with the nervous hand fidgeting, the overthinking every single word and the admiring from afar.
I am familiar with the warm feeling in one's middle.
Still I can say that this time it's different yet too familiar to deny it being another heartthrob of mine.
Only that this time the comforting warmth has turned into extending flames stretching their flaring arms to light up every single inch of my body. Butterflies turning into phoenixes and distant adoration not being sufficient anymore.
Blinding flames of habromania trying to conceal the frowning epiphany of her becoming more unconquerable with every passing day.
I don't think people understand how hard it can be to accept losing a game against an enemy who has never even played.

And once again I feel myself wishing for past times remembering our naive little selfs playing in the sandpit, unaware of the rivalry of our families that was going to develop a few years further into our lives.
We were only five, sitting on the playground, secretly drawing weird looking phoenixes on each other's wrists as a sign of our seemingly eternal bond.
I eventually developed the habit of tracing the lines to make the temporary tattoo last as long as possible, enhancing tiny details everytime I could. The foolish bird-like scribbling slowly became an actual phoenix marking my wrist and with it's beauty my love for her grew.
I don't know about her though since we barely see each other, hidden letters being our only way of communicating. But I will see her soon, she promised, as soon as today's evening. She told me we would run away together. If this world didn't allow to princesses as it's new rulers, maybe we could blend in with another one.
Thinking about her words I sneak out of the back door.

I feel equanimity carefully spreading it's tender leaves through my body as I step outside, instantly being soaked with water because of the heavy raindrops raining down from the sky. I can already see her standing in the middle of the path in pouring rain, waiting for me and start smiling as I rush her direction. She looks up through radiant eyes and starts smiling as she embraces me in a hug.
I feel the heat flooding through my body spreading further and further, covering the wound ends of mine in peaceful refuge.
Out of a sudden the warmth is torn down as I feel the cold, plain blade racing through my abdomen as I gasp for air.
I look at her, whispering with a breathy voice. 'Why?'
She only smiles at my. 'It has always been about revenge.'
I sink on the ground coughing, blurred pictures of my blood staining the muddy floor irregularly reaching my retina as the world around me slowly fades away.
Now I understand why she lit the match.

[659 w]