Catching Feelings

Chapter 2

A/N: Alright guys, trigger warning for borderline depression, bullying, and anxiety attacks. Wasn't sure if those were too trigger-y but I wanted to make sure you lovelies don't get harmed. I don't want that at all! Okay, continue reading!

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I heard the bell ring, signalling that lunch was over. I should head over to class but I wasn’t feeling too well. I’ve been crying in this bathroom stall the entirety of lunch, my food long forgotten.

I am pathetic. I’ve spent 3 years away from her and I’ve been doing decently but one look into her eyes and I just…. I can’t. 

Suddenly, I felt my stomach churn and my eyes bugged out. Before I knew it, I was dry heaving into the toilet right beside me. I had nothing to puke out because I didn’t actually eat my lunch but my stomach still didn’t stop making me queasy. After a few more heaves, I slumped back onto the floor and rested my back on the wall. 

I felt tears stream down my face but I was so numb and my limbs were so sore that I just let them fall, not really caring anymore. Thank God she didn’t follow me here. I don’t want her to see me like this, like I’m so broken without her. Like—

The door to the bathroom was suddenly slammed open and I shrieked, my heart stuck in my throat. Oh, God, is that her? And with that in mind, I suddenly remembered how she could easily calm me down from my anxiety attacks just by looking at me; how she’d hold my hand subconsciously whenever we cross the street; how she’d cuddle next to me, her body shivering, whenever there was a storm raging outside; how she’d always fiddle with my fingers whenever she was deep in thought; how she’d always pester me until I finally gave in and made her her favourite food, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. 

Tears pooled up in my eyes and I was unable to prevent myself from releasing a loud sob. I immediately put my hand over my mouth to prevent more from coming out.

“Hello? Are you okay?” The person outside spoke out and I breathed out a sigh of relief now that I know it wasn’t her. 

“Y-yes, I-I’m fine, thank you.” I managed to choke out between each strangled sob. I heard the shuffling of feet outiside and the next time she spoke, she was in a much nearer distance than before. 

“You don’t seem okay. Do you want to talk?” I realized that she was just outside the door now. Normally, I’d feel uncomfortable with someone that close to me when I was extremely hurt and vulnerable, but strangely, I didn’t feel the need to kick her out.

“No, I’m fine, thanks.” I told her again, a hint of urgency present in my voice. If she kept pushing me, I know that I’d eventually cave in and cry even harder. Bawling my eyes out in front of a random stranger was definitely not in my list of things to do today. But then again, being acknowledged by Camila wasn’t in there either so basically the world is just fucked up today. 

“I don’t believe you,” she continued. Why is she being so pushy? 

“Then don’t. I don’t need you, I don’t need anyone.” I suddenly snapped, shocking myself with the amount of bitterness that laced my words.