Catching Feelings

Chapter 5

A/N: Trigger warning for a scene with an anxiety attack. Don't read if this is a sensitive and triggering issue. I want y'all to be safe!

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Lauren's POV

My eyelids fluttered open and I was immediately blinded by the sunlight that was slowly filling up my room. I groaned and tried to rub the sleep from my eyes but I was surprised to see that my arms were otherwise occupied. A sleeping Camila lay snuggled into me. Her head was tucked into my chest with her hair splayed out messily on our shared pillow, her arms clasped tightly around my neck, and her legs intertwined with mine. Oh, shit. I quickly withdrew my arms from around her tiny waist and untangled myself from her grasp, suddenly feeling like the room got hotter all of a sudden.

If my heart could calm down for a second, that would be great.

My sudden movement caused her to be roused from her slumber and she rubbed her arms, as if she missed the warmth that I provided. "Mmm, Lauren?" She yawned and stretched her limbs out then turned to face me, squinting.

"Hi," I said in a single breath. The room was filled with sticky, unbearable tension. I looked down and fiddled with my trembling fingers while she openly stared at me. We haven't been in the same room in 3 years besides during class so this situation we found ourselves in just about knocked me out. I regrettably found myself missing the old days. Back to when it was just me and her; back to when she wanted me, needed me.

"I've forgotten how beautiful you look in the mornings," she mumbled absentmindedly, breaking the heavy silence. Realizing what she had just said, she immediately put her hand over her mouth, her eyes wide in panic.

"W-what?" I stuttered out as I snapped my gaze up to meet hers, my heart pounding in my chest due to her little slip of the tongue.

"No, nothing, I was-" She panicked and sat up.

"No, forget it, it's fine," I replied firmly. It was the best I could do to relieve the growing tension. Her words made made me feel things I was so desperate not to feel, but I had to be brave and brush it off. She's not worth it, I reminded myself. I stood up and made my way to the bathroom to get myself ready for school and to get away from Camila. "You should go home or else you'll be late."

As I reached the bathroom door, I paused with my hand on the knob and turned my body around to face her. "And don't worry, I'm not going to tell anyone. I know your reputation is everything to you, more important than me and all that I could've given you. You chose that over me, right? And if word got out that you spent the night here..." I felt my eyes sting with tears and I struggled to keep my voice from cracking. "T-that would be humiliating, wouldn't it? I mean, I'm the dyke that's supposed to be obsessed with you, right? Hmm?"

"Lauren, about that-"

I didn't give her the chance to respond. I swiftly opened the door and got in, then slammed it. I ran to the counter and placed my hands on it to steady myself as I heaved and gasped for air, my eyes wide with desperation. Shit, no, no. Not now. My head was spinning and my vision became blurred. My lungs were still fighting a losing battle and I felt my knees buckle and I collapsed to the floor, my forehead smashing against the cool tiles. I ignored the crippling pain and just wrapped my arms as tightly as I could around me as I tried to clear my head and breathe.

It's not working.

I was panicking even more now, making the situation worse. I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to open my mouth and breathe deeply. Black dots began to appear in my vision and I felt myself slowly getting sucked into unconsciousness. My face was moist with a mixture of sweat and tears. I felt my eyelids droop and my body suddenly relaxed. The face of the girl I've always been hopelessly and painfully in love with flashed before my eyes and was soon replaced by darkness.