Adult Movies (knj au)

11.

Am I ready? Am I ready to express what I'm actually feeling in this moment without looking like a lunatic? Tapping that 'confirm payment' on my screen and seeing it go through is next level relief. I've honestly lost track of how many weeks I've been making content with Namjoon, but this is the second bill I've been able to pay off in full. If it wasn't for him and his crazy ass idea, I would still be in the back seat on the struggle bus. A smile hasn't left my face yet. I'm just so relieved and so thankful.

I insert my ear buds as I turn to lock the door of my apartment. Today is a nice day, so I decided to walk for a little bit. I have to get some kind of exercise in since I'm too scared to go to the gym. It's fine, though. This works for me. I don't have to feel embarrassed around fit people, and the best of all, I'm alone.

I take in the scenery around me, letting my body flow with the slight breeze that aids in cooling the heat of the warm sun. Green leaves upon trees spread sporadically across people's lawns, freshly manicured grass everywhere I look, & the sounds of birds chirping above the low volume of the music in my ears is just what I needed.

During my walk, I try to let my mind and body relax. Although I'm in a good space, my mind tends to travel to Namjoon whenever he's not with me.

My best friend.

Over the past couple of months, I've began to question this friendship. Our situation is- interesting, to say the least. We've been friends for years, and there has never been any funny business. There was never a moment where we felt romantically linked. Everything had been platonic from the beginning. Everything we did was what friends are supposed to do.

That switch flipped when he proposed doing content together. Now we're in some weird 'friends-with-benefits' position. I'm not so sure how he feels about it, but I don't like it. I don't like it because I know I'm starting to feel more for Namjoon. I'm really developing these more intense feelings for him when this wasn't supposed to happen in the first place. But what made my dumb ass think that by agreeing to do lewd things with my best friend that I just wouldn't start getting these feelings for him? It doesn't help that he's such an amazing person on top of all this. Who wouldn't want the man if he just willingly gave himself to you- business wise or not?

"I hate it here." I groan to myself.

I jumped into this situation head-first with no real strategy or game plan. In my mind, at the time, it was supposed to be a few posts here and there, I would be caught up on bills-
thanks to Namjoon-, and everything would go back to what it was. Simple.

What I got, however, was a friend that started making me feel a certain way. Thinking back now, the only real intense intimate moment we got on camera was last week when I squirted, which is a new player feature I've just unlocked. All the other encounters, from oral to the dry humping, was all just because. But why did any of that happen in the first place? Namjoon and I don't sleep around with anybody, so is this just a way to ease some sexual tension that we have pent up within ourselves? Is that what the feelings are? Is this all just a sexual thing? Yeah, that's it. Not to mention, we haven't had full intercourse. It's just sexual frustration and not romantic feelings, because we're doing this to ease my financial struggles. That's the correct answer.

I feel dizzy from all that's going on in my mind. None of the math is fucking mathing. Is this solely for my financial benefit, or is it for our joint sexual benefit? I don't know anymore. I'm so wrapped up in my thoughts that I don't notice I've walked a pretty far distance. Surveying my surroundings, I find myself in a familiar area. Namjoon lives just two blocks down. I really just unconsciously walked to Namjoon's place. Rolling my eyes at myself, I finish the rest of my walk and take myself over.

Once I'm at the door of his building, I enter the code needed to get in. Once in the building, I walk until I'm at his door. I use the spare key he gave me and let myself in, knocking as I open the door.

"Namjoon?" I call out to him, but get no answer.

It's been a while since I've actually been over here and things have changed. He's rearranged some things and it's cleaner in here, but he's also been at my place a good majority of the time. I walk through his apartment, calling his name softly as I check the bedroom and bathroom. He clearly isn't here, so I don't need to be, either.

I walk into the kitchen, opening his fridge to see if there's any water in here. I smile as I spot a picture of us on his fridge, and I remember when we took it. It was about 3 years back at the local carnival on the ferris wheel. The sun was just starting to set and he insisted that we take a picture. I didn't want to, but anything for my best friend, right? I'm glad I did, though, because the picture turned out beautifully. I love that he looks at it any chance he gets.

I'm startled when my phone vibrates in my pocket as I'm reaching for a bottled water. I'm not surprised to see that it's Namjoon calling me.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ky. What you up to?"

"Went for a walk, and ended up at your place." I open the bottle and take a few swigs from it.

He laughs on the other end and I smile softly at the sound. "That's great. I went for a bike ride and now I'm at your place."

"When aren't you there anymore?" I tease.

"That's true. I might as well just live here." He chuckles. "I'm already laying in your bed."

"Get out of my bed dude." I roll my eyes, finishing the water and throwing the bottle in his little recycling bin.

"Make me."

"Asshole."

"Come home~." He says in a singsong voice. "I have something to show you when you get here."

"Wouldn't you get to your place faster, though? You're on a bicycle. I'm tired." I whine, really not in the mood to continue walking at this moment.

Namjoon groans. "But I'm naked."

"You're a liar."

"Okay, but I was going to get naked."

"Then I'll just be naked in your bed then." I shrug, kicking my shoes off when I reach the door again.

"I'm on my way." With that, he ends the call.

I laugh as I shake my head. "What a jerk."

You feel nothing romantic. I say in my mind. It's a financial gain and a sexual thing. Nothing more. Doesn't make it right, Kyla, but that's what it is. Relax and don't overthink. Everything will be fine.

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Momma here to tell you that no, everything will not be fine 😂😂😂 Hi!!!!! Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed getting a look into Kyla's thoughts. She's a bit confused 🥴 but it'll straighten out soon, I promise!

Also, thank you for your patience! I've been going thru it a bit, but I found some drive to write & now I've updated twice within 24 hours. I love this feeling 🥺 tell me how you feel about this chapter! It's a bit wordy though 🙃 okay I love you bye!

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~S.xx