Summerville: Book 3 of the Saving Summers Series

Chapter 19

Emma felt her heart drop to her stomach. She could barely hold the steering wheel properly as she drove.

"A few months back, I was on my way to class and I saw Jay standing by your locker. He slipped a letter into it and walked away. He did not notice that the letter fell out so I went and picked it up. I know it was none of my business but he was in tears so I read the letter and saw that it was a goodbye letter to you. I rushed out of the school and jumped into Jay's car. Told him if he was going to kill himself then I would die with him too. I know it was fucked up but I couldn't let him do this. He was going to drive straight into a tree but stopped at the last second." Ethan explained.

Emma let out a shaky breath.
"When was this?"

"It was around that time he punched Connor in the parking lot." Ethan said.

Emma sighed. She remembered that day perfectly, and she and Jay did not speak for some time after that. Little did she know he could've killed himself. The tears started to well in her eyes as she regretted that time.

Emma and Ethan exited her car when they reached Jay's gate.
"Dude, I know you're in there. Open up." Ethan said after pressing the intercom.
"Do you really want me to jump your gate?"

There was some silence.

"I'm sick and I don't feel like talking to anyone. Go away." Jay answered.

"Jay, it's Em. Please let us in. I'm begging you." Emma told him, hoping he would listen. She wiped her tears and took a deep breath.

The gate started to open.

Emma's face held a small smile even though she was close to breaking down and crying. She and Ethan drove into the Summers's residence.

Jay waited by the door, dark circles under his eyes and his lips chapped. He was still dressed in his pajamas.
"I can't be alone for one fucking day?" He snapped.

"You tried to kill yourself?" Emma asked immediately. She was not going to waste time.
Jay didn't respond, his eyes darted from Emma's to Ethan.

"I had to tell her." Ethan said.

The three friends sat in silence after entering the house.
The air was thick with awkward tension.
"Where's the letter?" Emma asked after what felt like eternity.

"The letter?" Jay asked.

Emma nodded.
"The letter that you were going to leave for me after killin..." she stopped. She could barely finish the sentence without her voice breaking. "I want to read it."

"I destroyed it." Jay said. "After Ethan stopped me, I didn't want you to read it or ever see it."

"The letter was right after the fight you had with Connor right, we didn't speak for a while after that. Does that mean that I possibly contributed to you wanting to commit suicide? Was I to blame?" Emma asked. The guilt was gnawing at her.

"No!" Jay said quickly but it did not convince Emma.
"This was not your fault, everything was just so fucked up and the fact that you could hate me was something I could not live with."

Emma wiped away tears from her eyes.
"What about yesterday... did what happened between us make you want to hurt yourself again?" She asked.

Jay didn't answer nor look at his friends. Emma knew what that meant and it made her breakdown.

"I'm sorry." Jay apologized.

Emma felt guilty that her friend nearly ended his life because of her. Had she known, she would've never rejected him in that way, or at all.
Keeping Jay safe and happy was the only thing she ever wanted to do.
"I'm sorry that I hurt you to this extent."