Failure

Chapter 2

Ellie P.o.v
I wasn't a little girl again, it was just me. I was sitting in the same spot and my mom was looking at me. She had the gun in her hand but instead this time I didnt have any fear in my heart I had courage. I grabbed the gun from her hand and looked her straight in the eye and said
"I hate you bitch" then BAM!

I woke up sweating and started crying. I have that dream many times before but it was always just what happened it was never any different. I wasn't crying though that I killed my mom, I was crying because I wish I had. I wouldn't have these dreams that torment me and I wouldn't feel like a waste of space to this world.
"Ellie, you okay?" Dylan comes in the room.
"Yeah.. it was just the dream again--" He took a seat on the bed and grabbed my hand, something he always does which comforts me.
"It was different this time. My mom didn't kill herself, I killed her." I looked at him waiting for a look of disgust but instead he was sympathetic. He took his hands and rubbed the tears off my cheek's then grabbed my face to look at him.
"Ellie I know you hurt. When I first arrived here I wanted the same thing. I wanted to kill my parents for abandoning me. I had dreams but I couldn't see their faces which only made me more angry. Then I started realizing that I can't let them live my life. They weren't here for it so I shouldn't let them be a part if it. So the dreams stopped." When he was done he looked at me making sure I was still looking at him.
"Its not that easy Dylan, you didn't --" I couldn't get the last part out before I broke down crying. Dylan climbed up to the top of the bed and got in the blankets then I cuddled into his arms and thats how we slept the rest of the night. I felt safe with him and in a way I think he felt safe with me.

I woke up with arms around me and my head on his chest. I could hear is heart beat and his breathing.
"Hey, good morning" he says in a raspy morning voice.
"Morning"
"You know its your first day of school today? You excited?" He looks at me and waits for an answer, I give him the look as if do I care. I have been going to a private school for troubled kids since the third grade and now I am going to be in 10th grade and go to school with Dylan. I am happy that I get to go to school with him but Im scared that everyone will know the story of my mom. Im scared the kids at the school will look at me as some freak.

After I get dressed I head downstairs to the kitchen where Dylan and Mrs. Moseley are. I grab a bowl and the cereal and milk and start pouring.
"Are you gonna take your medicine before you eat?" Mrs. Moseley asks. I don't reply. I just pour the milk in the bowl.
"Ellie did you hear her she said you need to take your medicine before you eat? Will you please take your medicine for me Ellie?" When Dylan speaks up I just stand there for a second. I hate the medicine it makes me depressed and out of it. But hearing Dylan tell me to take it I know I have too. So i reach on top of the fridge and grab the bottle and take the two pills I need to take.

The drive was awkward to the school because I was filled with worries but once the day begun it wasn't as bad as I thought. Nobody said anything to me about her. Once the bell rang I lost Dylan in the crowd when I felt someone grab my arm and pull me into a deserted hallway.
"Let go of me!" I exclaimed. I start pulling and screaming and the person puts thier hand over my mouth.
"Hush! Its me Jax from your class. If you calm down I will uncover your mouth." I nod my head and he lets me go. I step away and try to catch my breath. Tears are starting to form in my eyes because this makes me think of what happened to me, what my mom let happen.
"Hey don't cry, I am so sorry I scared you I didn't mean for that to happen." Jax says and wipes the tears from my eyes. It was comforting. Then he takes my hand and leads me out the doors to the back of the school. "To make up for scaring you I am gonna give you the good shit." We take a seat on the grass and he pulls out a bag of something green.
"What is that?"I question. As a kid I seen my mom have something like that before but I never knew what it was.
"Oh its pot. It helps make everything better, wanna try some?" He hands it to me and tells me to put it to my lips then he lite the other end with a lighter and I felt a puff of smoke go down my throat and I started coughing a lot. Jax started laughing and showed me how to puff it then blow out. After awhile I finally got the hang of it and started feeling dizzy.
"So are you feeling happy now?" I was feeling different then normal, I felt alive. For the first time in my life I felt like I could do anything. I was free.
"I will take that as a yes. Well I want to talk to you about something."
"Yeah, ha-ha! Whats up!" I asked all high pitched and perky. "Well I live in your old house where your mom popped a cap in her brain and in the attic I found an old birth certificate." He hands me a worn out paper,
"I thought you shold have it since it was your home." I unfold the paper and see,my moms name printed under mother, the father is unknown, go figure. When I look further down I see something that catches my eye the gender says male and in descriptions it says One of the two twins. When I see the name my whole body stops.
"You alright?" Jax ask.
"I have to go." Then I get up and grab my book bag and run to the door, but before I can open it Dylan comes bursting out.