"My name is...." It kept continuing all through out the room. I sat there listening to people going on and on about why there were in here. I didn't really focus on what they were saying. I just thought, replayed in my head, the day my life changed.
It was such a blur. I didn't know if I had a scorching headache from my crying, or if my tears covered my eyes from seeing what was happening around me. All I remember is taking the pills and laying on the couch dazing off in the sky, waiting for my eyes to get heavier as my body was getting numb. Next thing I know I'm in a cop car crying my eyes out in the back seat. All that was left as waking up in some room. A room I didn't know of. Multiple questions sprouted in my head.
Was I kidnapped?
Am I at a families house?
Where am I?
I looked to my left seeing another girl laying in a wooden bed. Her head was buried in her arms as she heavily breathed. I have no idea who she is. Looking around the room, I spotted the window. There were nails screwed in the frame. I was trapped!
A young lady walked in. I jumped with surprise as I backed up in the corner.
Is she good?
"Time to get up!" She yells. What?
"Oh yes, you just got in this morning. Come here." She commanded. I didn't know if I should trust her. She was wearing a blue nursing outfit and on her name tag was 'Lilly' I could barely see what was written under her name. I stood up cautiously, nervous of whats about to come. I walked slowly to her barefooted. When I got to her I read her tag more clearly, and what I read wasn't what I was expecting. She gestured me out the room as I read her tag - 'Bay Care Mental Hospital' WHAT! I'm in the mental hospital! How could this be! My eyes were wide as I walked out into the hall, with Lilly behind me. There were big wooden doors on each side of me, with kids my age walking out and back in their rooms with buckets. When I turned left down the hall I saw a bucket with my name on it.
"This bucket is filled with your clothes. You change, brush you hair and teeth." She stated. "Then when you get out you put your dirty clothes in the hamper right here." She pointed at the hamper that was half way full already. I nodded, but I honestly didn't hear most of what she said. I was still caught up on the fact that I am in the Mental Hospital. I walked slowly back to my room seeing the girl I saw earlier walking out. She rubbed her eyes, but not knowing her sleeve was rolled up, in clear sight was red mark stains on her arm. I glanced seeing them covering to her elbow. I walked in the bathroom in my room and locked the door.
That's when i lost it. I slid down on the wall crying. I burried my face in my hands, sobbing. How could my mom and dad do this to me! Who called the cops?!?
What exactly did I do?
I heard a knock on the bathroom door- "Hurry up!" It was the girl. I sat up getting undressed. When I was putting on my shirt I noticed my arms filled with cuts. That's when it hit me! I knew what happened. I know why I am here.
I tried killing myself!
I remember the blistering pain on my arm, the dryness of my throat. I remember the red, white and blue lights, the screaming, the crying. The pain my heart had taken in. The girl knocked again and I quickly put on my clothes. I brushed my teeth and hair, and walked out. The girl had an annoyed look on her face and she grunted and slammed the bathroom door shut. I walked out the room and down the hall, putting my clothes in the hamper, and my bucket on the table.
And that's where I am now! The other kids, like me, are to talk about why they are here, and do they want to harm themselves or others. I didn't know what to say, when my turn came around. I looked up confused. I stuttered as I spoke" I don't want to talk right now" She nodded and went on to the next person. Thank God! I don't know her or these people. For all I know, they can be killers.
I looked over to the next girl she called on. "Angel?" She had black short hair. She wore a grey hoddie, and sweats. I noticed on her arm was the Demi Lavoto tattoo. I LOVE DEMI!
Angel looked up, like she didn't want to share, but yet she did. "Trying to kill myself" came out of her mouth. I was shocked! I thought people would judge me if I were to say that during my turn.
"Why" Lilly asked. Angel started listing her reasoning's. It was just like my reasoning's!
Bullies, parents, relationships, drugs, alcohol, and self conscious! To my surprise she came in the night before, and she lived down the block from me. Small world eh?
We then were to eat breakfast. I wasn't that hungry, but apparently they rate your eating score. You can stay longer if you don't eat. Which sucks because their food sucks, and they expect us to eat it all! I didn't really participate in most of this crap! I wish I wasn't here.
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Going to bed was the hardest part of my day. It was hard to know that I would be waking up doing the same thing over and over again, until they let me out! I cried myself to sleep, wondering what people are saying about me at school, wondering if my parents are disappointed in me. I wish I had succeeded into killing myself. So I can torture the bullies, making them wish they were dead, and so I didn't have to hear my parents crap about being 'worthless'. If only...If only!
