Discoveries

POV TYPE - Introspection

New stories, on this account (the story is also available on AO3)

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I'm at Techno's, after what happened with Kengkla he needed some company and to try to understand what had happened, so he could deal with it. He was doing some research and of course by searching the internet we came across a lot of stuff including testimonies of rape.

He started to panic, thinking he had raped his brother's best friend. I don't know exactly what happened that night, but I know one thing for sure: Techno was too drunk to use his strength, he couldn't even stand on his own two feet when I brought him home.

I thought I would tell him everything about what happened when I was 11, why I left home to go to Bangkok for college, and what happened to my education. He is my best friend as well as Khom. Khom knows what happened; however, I didn't have to tell him, it was all over the papers. The only person I really told was Tharn, in a moment of weakness. I wonder what would have happened if I had agreed to go to a therapist at that time. Would I have been less of a shit with Tharn?

During my reflection, Techno kept reading testimonies, he was getting more and more panicked. I snapped back, just thinking about it made me feel bad. And, I wanted to avoid making him panic more. So, I tried to explain to him my way of thinking, I brought out the simplified definition: we are raped when we do not give our consent to the thing. A "yes" obtained by coercion or when the person is not in full possession of his or her faculties (inebriated, among other things) is not considered consent. So, it was Techno who was raped, not that son of a bitch Kengkla, and, as said before, Techno wouldn't hurt a fly.

Techno doesn't seem to think like me, I'm not surprised, after the incident I felt guilty too, if I hadn't followed that man nothing would have happened. My father often told me that it wasn't my fault, but even now I think that I should have reacted differently... But that's not the point... I prefer not to think about that... I have to concentrate on Techno, who is just showing me an article.

How did he go from "sleeping drunk with someone" to domestic violence? The article talks about a young woman who was dating a boy who everyone considered nice, sociable, helpful... The opposite of me, in fact. And, one day, she ended up in hospital, her boyfriend had come home from a party a little too drunk and had hit her. The police think, from the injuries on her body, that it wasn't the first time.

I don't understand why Techno is showing me this article, until he says: "You see, everyone thinks he's a nice guy too, but he hit his girlfriend under the influence of alcohol".

"Techno, you are not him. According to the police, it wasn't the first time. He was just hiding his true personality. Not you. You don't lie to people and pretend to be sociable, sympathetic and a bit naive occasionally. That's your real personality".

"That's true, and I have a good example of a person who doesn't hide his personality"

I look at him surprised, not understanding what he is getting at.

"Yes, you. It's no secret that you can be a bit of a bear at times.

I raise my arm as if to pat Techno on the back of the head, but I stop in my tracks. I don't know why, but the sentence he just said with the article I read earlier is imprinted in my mind. I put my hand back down, ignoring the surprised look on my best friend's face, who was expecting to be taped.

"All that to say, you're not that kind of person, you're not me, you're not him. I think I'll have a little chat with Kengkla to find out what really happened. And, until we know what happened, you stay away from him. I'm pretty sure he's the one who took advantage of the situation," I say quickly, so I don't have to study what's going on in my head.