Choices

Chapter 1

"Mom." Nilingon ko ang anak ko I smiled when I saw him pouting and look so sleepy, "What is it baby? Hmm?" I asked and hugged him while I caressed his hair. It's already six in the morning. May pasok siya ng alas syete kaya ginising ko na siya. But I feel bad for it, I want him to sleep until his heart content but he has class.

Michael Ezequel Suarez my five year-old son, is a very smart kid at his aged his already on the 2nd grade in elementary and I can't help but to be proud mother to him.

"Mommy, I want some pancakes." He whispered napangiti naman ako, "Okay I'll make you a pancakes but mommy will put you down first okay? My baby is already heavy." I said at nilapag siya sa sofa.

"Mom, I'm not." He said and pout, I chuckled and stare at him. His looks he got it to his father mukhang wala nga itong nakuha sa akin pagdating sa physical features niya.

"Mom, you okay?" he said and look at me innocently, I smiled to him and shooked my head so he won't worry.

"Mommy will make you some pancakes, okay?" I said and kissed his forehead, he nodded and smiled to me. "I want some chocolate syrup too, please?" he said at nagpuppy eyes pa.

"Yes, you're highness your order is coming up." I said jokingly napabusangot naman siya.

Kasalukuyan akong gumagawa ng pancake dough ng biglang kumirot ang bahagi kung nasaan ang puso ko. Napahawak ako rito atbahayang pumikit dahil sa sumisikdong kirot na nararamdaman ko, huminga ako ng malalim at pinagpatuloy ang paggawa ko ng dough.

Nilingon ko ang anak ko na nanonood ng paborito nitong cartoons, lumingon ito sa akin kaya ngumiti ako habang iniinda ang sakit na nararamdam ko. I guess I don't have a choice huh?

I continue making pancakes and ignoring the pain that causing my hands to tremble. I still made a good pancake it may not be perfect but it's already good.

"Ezequel, your pancakes are ready." Lumingon ito sa akin at mabilis na lumapit sa akin. Umupo na siya sa upuan at kinuha ang tinidor, "Where's the chocolate syrup?" he asked napailing naman ako. Ezequel and his thing for chocolates.

Kinuha ko naman ang lalagyan na may chocolate syrup, "Here yah go, baby." I said and put a small amount of syrup in his plate, I chuckled when I saw him pout. Kinuha niya sa akin ang lalagyan at binuhos sa plato niya ang chocolate. Napailing naman ako. if i can just stop the time i would so i can be with him more.

Nilapitan ko siya at hinalikan sa noo, "I love you my baby." i said and hugged him he hugged me back and with his hugged i know that i need to do it.

Kasalukuyan akong nasa tapat ng paaralan ni ezequel para ihatid siya, "Take care, okay?" I said and smiled tumango naman ito sa akin at humalik sa pisngi bago naglakad papasok sa loob ng paaralan. Kumaway ako sa kanya, kumaway naman ito pabalik at pumasok na ng tuluyan sa loob.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago nagpasyang puntahan ang taong kahit kailan ay hindi ko inakalang hihingian ko ng tulong. But I don't have a choice, this is for Ezequel.

Nagabang ako ng taxi na masasakyan papunta sa kompaniya niya, ang ama ni ezequel, Theo Samiel Suarez ang lalaking matagal ko ng ibinaon sa limot. I loved him with all my heart but I guess my love for him wasn't enough for him to be faithful to me.

Napailing ako ng maramdaman kong kumirot na naman ang kaliwang bahagi ng dibdib ko, huminga ako ng malalim at inalis ang mga bagay na hindi ko naman dapat iniisip. Para kay ezequel, kaya ko ito kailangan kong kayanin para sa baby ko.

Nang makakita ako ng taxi ay agad ko itong pumara at mabilis na pumasok sa loob at sinabi ang address kung saan makikita ang Suarez Architectural Firm. I blow a large amount of air at humugot muli ng malalim na hininga.

I checked all the files that I brought, it's all complete. Tumingin ako sa bintana at tahimik na nagdarasal na sana gabayan niya ako sa gagawin ko at sana hindi ko ito pagsisihan. i closed my eyes tightly wishing that i just have the power to stop the time.

Ilang minuto pa ang lumipas ay natatanaw ko na ang naglalakihang building pero may mas nakaagaw ng atensiyon ko. Ang lugar kung saan hindi ko na pinangarap bumalik napakagandang istraktura ngunit sakit ang dala nito sa akin, habang palapit ng palapit ang sinasakyan kong taxi ay parang may punyal na tumutusok sa puso ko ng paulit ulit.

'Serenade Happy thoughts' bulong ko sa sarili ko habang kinakalma ang sarili, inisip ko naman si ezequel ay unti unting humpa ang sakit na iyon.

Pumarada sa tapat ng building ang taxi na sinasakyan ko, nagbayad at nagpasalamat ako kay manong bago tuluyang lumabas ng taxi, humarap ako sa nakakalulang building na nasa harapan ko hindi ko akalain na mapapadpad ako dito pagkatapos ng halos anim na taon.

Six years of my life I avoid to contact my family, friends and to him, the pain that they caused me is just so much to bear that I almost lost My baby, My Ezequel. I give them all the love that I can give but I received a very traumatic pain, that I almost lost my sane.

But I guess I can't really ran from my past, I need to face it this is reality and reality sucks bigtime.

_

_missea.