Two Queens

Helpers

~Courtney~

I'm in pain.

I know that I am. I can feel it every time I look at the picture of me and Duncan on my bedside table. It was taken during the summer, all of my friends having organised a water fight. White shirt and denim shorts were donned, my hair tied up into a messy bun as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I remember buying a water gun especially for the purpose of soaking everyone else that day. Back then I'd been so competitive - still am.

That warm summer day, none of us emerged dry. The moment that picture was taken, I was celebrating my victory and Duncan had taken the chance to pour a bucket of ice cold water all over me. Just like him to do something like that. But due to poor decisions made in outfit choice, the outline of my bra could be seen. I'd gotten pretty flustered and so he'd given me a kiss as an apology. Being the romantic she is, Bridgette snapped a photo of the scene and it's lived here since.

Bridgette said the scene was reminiscent of those couples from those trashy romances she binges. It was a classic. She always said that Duncan and I were meant to be and that she bet we'd last the longest out of us all. It seemed like that too until I found out the truth...

Tears blur my vision, the temptation to throw the picture now, frame and all, out of my bedroom window growing stronger. But when I grab it, all that anger fades to tears. Instead I collapse to the floor, legs bent under my form as I cry and cry. Sob and sob. They escape in great moans, similar to a donkey. As I sobbed the picture lay between my arms, close to my chest and yet so feeling far away. It felt so distant. It was physically there, physically close, but the memories within it were so far away.

I miss those days... Those days when I was so oblivious. When I was so happy and knew that my boyfriend was loyal to me. That he loved me with everything he had.

Loved.

Where did I go wrong with it all? What caused Duncan to go to Gwen and not...me? What made him choose Gwen over me?

What - what made him forget about how much I loved him?

I sniffle, tears still going but sounds having died with that final thought. They died with the realisation that Duncan had forgotten that I loved him - or that he showed no signs of acknowledging that anymore. I mean it was evident: He'd chosen someone else. That doesn't happen for just any reason. I mean it was obvious from the way he seemed so neutral over the past few weeks. He was always just so blank and tired when I approached him - so dismissive. It was like Duncan had forgotten that I was in the relationship to love him, not to scold and change him.

I'll admit I went overboard with that. I hit a phase where my behaviour was extremely unhealthy and toxic. But I thought I was getting better recently. I was being more let-loose and had stopped pestering him as much. I even ripped up that stupid thirty two page letter of requirements I wrote! Ever since Gwen got us to communicate over that issue I thought -

No.

I should've known that it would be the downfall of our romance. My own controlling nature and constant nitpicking: that was my own fault in all of this. Me wanting to change Duncan was my mistake. It was my error. My downfall.

But even so, why did Duncan not call it off? What did he go to someone else behind my back? Why did I -

A knock on my bedroom door is what stops my thoughts, the sound light and therefore not belonging to my mother. I know that for a fact as she's tried to barge into my room a couple of times now. However I haven't let her in at all aside from delivering me the occasional snack, and even instructed her to leave dinner by the door. I didn't want my mother seeing me like this after all - nor my father. I didn't want anyone to see my like this. So weak and emotional. So pained and heartbroken.