Two Queens

Emotions

~Courtney~

"Why am I even coming in today?"

It comes out as a half moan, my body feeling sluggish after staying up all night crying. Yes, all night. I can't remember how long I'd actually sat there in the broken glass, sobbing my eyes out and rocking back and forth. I think it was after meeting Izzy that I fell into depression again, the sight of the still broken picture frame upsetting me once more. There were so many memories tied to it after all...

Yeah, it had to be that.

Plus Izzy's ominous words had put me on edge. It was odd for the usually batty and weird Izzy to suddenly seem concerned, her words and actions displaying that she was hesitant with helping me. In fact it seemed like she was reluctant, everything she suggested to me seeming like a chance to walk away. I can't count how many times she told me to stop if I felt like turning back. But I didn't take any of the chances, and managed to get some solid information from her, earning a pretty worried expression from Izzy. It was alike to her therapist's tone, the look clear and reflective as she gave her final parting.

"Just remember not to go too far ok?"

Those words... They made me think of how everyone was secretly pitying me right now. How they all spoke about how I was doing and tried to help me move on. But nothing seemed to work and therefore I truly was a mess at this point.

A big, fat, muddled mess.

That thought then led to me beginning to not like the fact that I was upset. In fact it made me wonder why I was upset in the first place, leading to me being reminded by all the hurt and betrayal I now had within my heart. Ergo, I ended up crying for the whole of the night.

"Because you have to," Gwen shook her head, brows furrowed as she looked at me.

I'd forgotten that she was the one who forced me to come in today, barging into my room and forcing me out of the house. I was going to take the day off, but Gwen was having none of it. In fact she told me that I needed to keep my perfect attendance even if I'm mentally unstable. She said I'd kick her ass if I found out she didn't force me once I was back to normal. I'd do that right now if I didn't have to act so damn 'fine'.

"I'm worried about you Court," Her tone comes out soft, eyes trailing towards the ground, "You've been acting off for a while now."

I simply scoff at that, rolling my eyes. If only she knew why I was acting off. I bet it would make a whole lot of sense to Gwen if I told her why I was upset - but doing so could ruin the plan. The plan was all I had left to cling onto now. The plan and my revenge. As a result I had to keep the reason airtight, playing it off as me being upset over a breakup I caused.

Really odd right?

"Seriously Courtney, what's going on?" Gwen stops us in the middle of the corridor, pale hands turning whiter as she grasps me by the shoulders. Her expression is plain, firm, dark brown eyes focused on me as I shrug and keep a neutral face. A face that's hard to keep when the whore who stole your boyfriend is acting all concerned. After all, if she was really concerned she wouldn't have kissed Duncan in the first place.

There's no point being concerned when you could just tell the truth.

"It's nothing," The words come out quickly, my eyes darting towards something that could take my mind off the cheating. Tears form, but I blink them back. "I'm just going through some stuff, ok?"

Gwen released a sigh at that, shaking her head as she released me. However she wasn't done, her voice and gaze still critical as she walked beside me. Knowing me the best out of anyone, Gwen knew when something was wrong. She knew when something was bugging me, or when I was going through something really bad. She knew when I was having issues, or when I was hiding the fact that something was bothering me. Like Duncan she had mastered knowing me like an open book.