Please Let Me Go (dnf)

Amethyst Skies

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

I can do this.

"Of course! Do you want to take a picture too?" Dream felt like he was having an out of body experience, watching as he walked back to the petite cashier with a smile on his face. His heart was racing out of his chest, his lungs threatening to collapse at any moment. Yet, somehow on the outside, he remained calm and collected. The only time he ever really felt like this was before starting a stream. All the introverted nervousness he felt knowing hundreds of thousands of people were about to watch him live on the internet would disappear in an instant. It was like flicking a light switch, changing him from himself to his online persona.

"Can I? Thanks! I've watched your videos for over a year, I'd recognize your voice anywhere." All the anxiety that was once present in the cashier was gone as he stepped around the counter. Now it was Dream's turn to feel anxious, his palms were already sweating as he accepted the cashier's marker to sign the receipt. "I'm Ravi, by the way. Do you, uh, mind?" The cashier held out his phone just as Dream was handing him back the marker. Dream gave a small forced smile as he accepted the phone, the camera app already pulled up.

Dream raised the phone, praying that his hand would stop trembling. The least he could do for someone who said they'd been his fan for so long was not take a blurry photo. Dream gave his signature slightly gapped-tooth smile, while Ravi grinned and did a thumbs up. He took at least a dozen photos, hoping that one or two of them wouldn't be blurry. His reflection smiling back at him on the screen felt like a stranger. For so long, his online persona had only been a voice, allowing him to view himself as, well, himself. Looking at the sopping wet and swollen lipped, yet beaming man in the camera felt like he was giving away yet another piece of himself. Dream could've sworn he felt a part of his heart break from the realization- or maybe that was just the residual nerves.

"Thanks for supporting me over the last year, Ravi. It's always cool to meet fans in person. Like I said, hope the storm clears up before you head home." Dream rushed, his stamina for maintaining his online persona clearly much lower than he thought. He felt like the experience was less out of body now, like the introverted and nervous man who was watching the interaction from across the room was getting closer. He picked his bags up off the counter again, looking out to the storm that was still wreaking havoc outside.

"Thanks! And, uh-" Ravi cut himself off, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand as he mindlessly scrolled through the photos Dream took with the other. Dream could already sense the next words out of his fan's mouth- 'so dnf is real then?'  Maybe it was Dream's tense appearance, or the fingers that tapped against his thigh anxiously, but Ravi just smiled before continuing. "I hope I run into you again. You and George get home safe." Dream let out a breath of relief, soon chuckling to hopefully hide his discomfort. He turned back to the door, waving over his shoulder to Ravi before jogging through the rain.

Unforgiving winds pushed ice cold raindrops against his body. His clothes absorbed the water, soaking him to his core instantly. He felt cold. He felt anxious. Strangely enough, he felt empty. He wasn't sure if telling George about the interaction would just make them both anxious, so he decided before he even made it to the car that he would sit with the feeling by himself. There was no sense in stressing George out over something that he handled- well, hopefully handled. Dream pulled on his door handle several times, knocking on the glass repeatedly, before George unlocked the car.

"Why did you lock me out?" Dream spoke through an exhale as he climbed into the car as quickly as possible. He could already feel the water pooling beneath him in his leather seats, while he pushed his wet hair out of his face. He faced George to see a small but devious smile on his face. Dream just ignored him, rolling his eyes before turning up the heat. If George would've pulled a stunt like that a week ago, Dream would've been pissed beyond belief, scribbling down all the details of the interaction in his journal of things he wanted to bring up to Jeremy but never did. Had it not been for the anxiety inducing interaction with a fan back at the store, Dream may have taken the joke a bit more light-heartedly. Even so, he was thankful he was able to recognize the progress he had made with accepting George for who he is, even if that meant spending a few extra seconds in the rain.