If I Let You In Can You Stand The Wind?
Self Destruction
It's sad knowing that I hit rock bottom again. I'm ashamed of myself and I hate myself so much if I was truly suicidal I would kill myself.
I hate myself as a person, as a friend, as a daughter, and as a big sister. I want the old me back. The me that was happy and had found her peace.
What happens when you find your peace? Do you even realize that you found your peace? how do you know that that was your peace?
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The waters were calm and at peace but I guess it couldn't handle a little wind. I mean it did handle it for a while but it couldn't withstand the speed or the intensity of it.
Self destruction is the worst thing a person could have. The thoughts and fantasies destroy you.
I'm in my head 24/7, thinking of my future, the what if's, the next hour, the impossible. It sucks because your mind is like a child and you have to train it to look at reality and see it's not a fairytale.
I hate myself so much, why does she do the things she does? Why can't she be out going? Why can't she enjoy the moment? Why does she have to overthink everything? Why does she constantly have to think about the future? Why can't she break out of her shell? WHY IS IT HER.
I never live in the moment. It's always the thought of something else or a different outcome.
Having the mind of a day dreamer can be cute... in the movies but lets talk truthfully about the reality of it. You're not focusing, you're dream about things that can destroy you in the end, you're not looking at what's actually in front of you.
