What Is And What Should Never Be

2.

A glimpse of my past, which is long ago- stranded in my deepest heart. Unanticipatedly. As i woke up in the middle of the night, my head's aching terribly. I sit down in bed while catching my breath that almost gone. That goddamn dreams of my past. Sam was only 1 cm from me, he was sleeping and i took my opportunity to gaze at his angelic face. It was only 3.00 a.m in the morning, and realized i'm in my hunger state that i decided to walk past the kitchen.

"Hey."

"Hi, babe."

My heart jumped before i realized it was Sam following me to the kitchen.

"It's unlike you," I said. "Waking up at this too early morning."

He smiled with his sleepy-puppy eyes and began to walk closer to me. He kissed me on lips gently. At the same time Sam caressed my hair. He was so good at kissing, i thought. Then he grab my bottom cheeks as i wanted more and more ever since, he pressed his body in mine— his tall, bare shoulders. We both crazily in love at each other, the fact that he started to push me in kitchen table with his hips, with a little dim from the refrigerator, i can't see Sam clearly. However, i knew straight his lust eyes towards me. I let him go crazy over me, wanting my pursuit of happiness.

"God, Judith." Sam gasped, stared at me.

"Go ahead, finish what have you started."

"B-but i'm afraid we bother Joel."

"No, baby. He sleeps well." I touched his cheek. "Let's pretend it's just both of us in this house." Sam nodded.

Sam continued, like i said. He did it harshly. "Open your legs for me." Sam commanded me. I open my legs in front of him, it's not the first time. We both already married for 5 years, now. And i still hesitate that he'd eventually get tired of seeing me everyday. But, i'm a shy person when it goes we're making love to each other. "S-sam am i still beautiful to you?". He stopped. "Can you repeat it once again?" Sam replied. "Am i still beautiful to you?" I questioned twice. This past 3 years, i took care of Joel. Our baby. Barely have any time to take care of myself, Joel was in so much condition needing my attention for 24 hours, i rarely seen Sam as well. He got a pretentious job, that he was always coming home late. I felt drastic changes in me— right before pregnancy and after, it was a hectic life i've been in. Sometimes i got too exhausted while babysitting little Joel, i was asleep, every night i missed Sam, i wish the time fly fast for him to come home already. Despite the fact Sam's loyal love for me, i began to hesitate that he had another women behind my back. Though, in real life he done nothing. Is it my fault if he had an affair? Am i not gorgeous enough? Am i not enough of taking care of him and little Joel?

"Judith, why did you fucking asking me again the same question?" I knew he tired of me asking. "I'll show you, how ravishing yourself every single time i saw you- how i believe this eyes of mine will enduringly savoring yours." I gulped when he said things like that, stood still. "After Joel was born, i regret. Why i can't accompany you with little Joel everyday, i miss you both, and hardly admit it." Sam sighed, but i smiled he said his true feelings, it made me loves him even more. "Before Joel cries, bother our holy activity-" Sam cringed, his eyes and mouth smiled wide. "Stop kidding!!" I said. "Take it all, take all my love i've given to you. God, Judith if you only knew, i can't take it anymore. Mine filled up with the warmth of yours, every time i received those touch of yours, i died and died, repeatedly. If you stare me, over and over. I can't help myself." Sam said as he entered his fingers to my entrance, as it getting wet and his fingers covered in my warm liquids. Afterwards, he finished it all.

From the moment since, i began to believed him.