What Is And What Should Never Be

3.

"All at once we were madly, clumsily, shamelessly, agonizingly in love with each other; hopelessly, I should add, because that frenzy of mutual possession." (Nakobov, Lolita;3)

.

The smoke airing through his thin lips, running nowhere as he sat down and threw his head back, his dark-brown hair touched down the broken down sofa— so delightful, a landscape of his perfect sculpture as if it was printed by the ray of sunshine. 

Nothing matters, Judith. He just wanted a good fuck and then abandon you, again. He was kind of type who forget the memories and feelings behind, finding a fuck buddy— sleep with them. Deep down in her heart, she wants to be loved deeply, not just for fucking one night stand. Judith bite her lips, as though she worried that everybody might took an advantage of her.

"Morning." A harsh, husky voice entered her wandering mind. Her eyes travelled the entire body of his, enjoying while it last. The naked man beside her. Judith tried to get her focus back. "You like what you see, huh?" He called out. As soon as he smiled over Judith, his brown eyes staring at her blue ocean eyes, slowly made a way on top of her body to kiss and suck each other's soul. He kissed her. It was only a peck on the lips, but it felt like she never felt before— a smell of his luscious cigarettes, brings her into somewhere, a place she never had been into. The kiss was uncommon for her. Everything, all her blurry vision with a man on top of her, was it a heaven— or a last minute before disaster. Judith was in confused state of mind, his lips alluringly touched her. "What are you doing?" She asked him, wanted to know after all this time why did they did this. Paul was just her friend's boyfriend, meanwhile Judith was having a huge crush on him. Back in highschool, she wanted a true relationship, someone who loved her. She thinks Paul loved her too— However, they ended up just for having sex. Except for Paul, he excluded feelings while having sex with her. "You can leave now." Judith turned her eyes into blue postcard hanging on the wall. "Jude, we're having fun right?" He said, grabbing her waist. By the time goes by, this altogether wrong. Judith guessed. She cannot accept.

Although, they both still couldn't resist of each other's desire of wanting the flavor of nasty, a sloppy make out whilst caressing one another's private place, the sound of warm-red rubbing skin— as he said the word i love you, Judith won't waste a single chance everytime he appetited for her goddess body. She was weakened.

"I know, you couldn't stop."
"Once we've started, you can't ever resist this. Right, babe?" Paul teased, breathing on her sweaty neck. "See how fragile you are."

"B-but, what about Diane?"

"She'll be only my girlfriend at public."
"You see— i've done nothing to her, Diane still a virgin."
"The nonsense thing is, i'd love to do this to only you" Paul replied. That motherfucker, needs to be punched in his cock. Once.

"You cold-hearted bastard.."

"You have none."
"Unloved little thing, how poor you are being my personal fucktoy. Ridiculous yet exciting, that you're unable to resist me. Every. Fucking. Time. That pussy's only pounded by my cock's only and i know you crazily begging for it."
"You are only used by this cold-hearted bastard. Don't you realize?"

That was a scene, a scene from the past that haunted me. The softness and fragility of this— weak animal, caused intense pain, it creeped over and over my head.