lovely lonely angel

Dancing in a ballroom with only the music and the ground beneath our feet your arms around my neck in close embrace; a wordless conversation spanning a decade, and the culmination of everything beautiful or right wrapped into this one moment. Unable to escape as our eyes lock and I suddenly feel the heat rush into my face as my heart and feet move in sync beginning to pick up pace,  pulling me closer to you than I ever thought I could be; complete surrender to this bliss that is you and me. I never want this to end, and suddenly anything is possible: a future, a family, a never ending dance.At last I feel strong enough to let go of all the anger and hate because of you my angel. Twirling around in a dark blue dress with black hair as dark as the night falling perfectly at any given time, and a smile that can make the world shine brighter. A face that makes me know GOD has touched this world and truly given us a gift.

And yet everything is not as perfect as it may seem because once the music stops and the lights go out, I know what you are hiding.

Oh my lonely lovely angel how hard I know it is for you to float by us mere mortals with that plastic smile that hides so much pain; The agony of knowing love and joy, but never being able to hold on to it for longer than the briefest of moments. How far you have come in the time that I have known you, so full of life but despair clouds your mind.

My lonely lovely angel, I wish I could help you with your struggles; to bear the burdens of the world so you don’t have too. I love you so much more than you can know, and every day I get to spend with you is a blessing and yet a curse for there is nothing I can do for you. I see the pain in your eyes I see the tears roll down your face when no one else can. I know your pain so intimately and cannot provide any relief.

Would you like to know why I am constantly apologizing to you? It is because I know I am never going to be good enough and there is nothing I can do.

My angel, I am exponentially sorry that the best I can do is love you for who you really are. Please forgive me… I wish I could do more for you. I serve an important role at times, but others I am a hindrance.

For so long I thought I was born to cause pain and strife on this planet, but that doesn’t mean I have to stick with what I was  "meant” for. You have shown me that I don’t have to live inside the lines, and I can be truly happy just as I am; you showed me the way to bliss. You are everything great about me, honestly I am a better person just by knowing you. I wish that you could see just how much you mean too me; So much more than a girl.  You are my sun in the morning and my moon at night you become everything I ever wanted and everything I will ever need. I am not afraid anymore I am not going to live in doubt because of you, because of you I am blessed.  Heaven is possible, love is real, and joy is a companion. I only wish I could do the same for you my angel…

I cannot and alas my curse will persist. All I can say is I love you, with all my heart and soul I love you my beautiful lovely lonely angel.