Loving Becky

1

The long strands of her hair fell to her waist like silky flames as she threw her head back, and I watched, enchanted as her mouth opened wildly, a lilting laughter escaping her luscious lips.

After her mirth had died down, she glared at me, her lips lifted in mock reproach as she brushed strands of her hair away from her face. "Come on, his jokes aren't that bad. And at least he tries." She mused, a smile playing on her lips.

I only rolled my eyes. The guy she was talking about had a horrible sense of humor and his jokes were flat-out not funny, but it seemed Becky was the only one who didn't see it that way.

"Besides," She continued, adding some blush to her cheeks. "His jokes aren't what pulls me to him. It's his face, David. Whenever I'm with him, its like there's only the two of us. Excitement creeps in, butterflies fly inside my tummy and my heart beats so fast."

Whenever I'm with you, Becky, it's like there's only the two of us. Excitement creeps in, butterflies fly inside my belly and my heart beats so fast, I thought, feeling a sharp twinge of pain in my heart.

But of course I couldn't dare to tell her all that. Instead, I said, "This is like the fifth time in five months you're saying the same thing about five different guys."

Hell, I didn't mean to sound so sarcastic, but when would she say the same things about me?

Becky stiffened, turning to look at me, a frown forming on her lips. "Seriously? Are you really going to rub that in my face now, David?"

"Hey sorry, I didn't mean it that way." I apologized, rubbing a hand through my hair, trying to regain some control over my emotions.

I loved talking to my best friend, but in times like this when all she could talk about was how much she liked this guy and how good a kisser this guy was, I wanted to be anywhere but with her.

But I always endured the heart ache, listening as she rumbled on and on about how much she liked this guy or that guy. I was always hopeful whenever her relationships ended because it meant I stood a chance, only to have my heart shattered into pieces whenever she told me she'd met another guy. It was like a never ending cycle.

"I should be going." Becky said, standing up and picking her purse. "How do I look?"

"The usual." I told her, and by 'the usual' I meant gloriously beautiful, her sea blue eyes glimmering.

Adorned in a white tank top topped on a pair of snug denim jeans, she was a woman dressed to seduce. It hurt to the know she hadn't gone through all that effort for me.

"Alright, I hope your night turns out fine." Of course I wished for exactly the opposite.

She kissed me on the cheek before walking off, and I felt desire burn through my scalp as I stared after her. Such an innocent act and it had such an effect on me.

Escorting her to the door, I closed it after she left. Grabbing a bottle of cold beer, I returned to the living room to watch TV, needing to replace the flaming images of her with another man my mind was intent on conjuring.

The thought of Tom holding her close, hugging her, kissing her - it made me burn with a hopeless jealousy.

Becky and I had been friends for virtually all our lives because our parents had been close friends and next door neighbours. I don't know when exactly my feelings for her undergone a transformation, but with time, I begun to crave her in ways that defied the rules of friendship.

The day I realized what I felt for her was love, she'd returned from California after spending half a month there. I'd missed her badly, and I'd been quite eager to see her.

I'd hugged her too hard, she'd thrown her head back and laughed too hard, excitement had crept into my belly too hard, my heart had pounded against my chest too hard, and I realized I'd fallen for her, a little too hard.

I'd been about to reveal my feelings to her when she beat me to it, announcing she'd arrived with her boyfriend.

I remember sitting there frozen, my heart sinking, disbelief churning through me while she went on and on about how much she loved this guy, expecting me to be happy for her.

"Hey, David are you even listening to me?" She'd enquired, tugging on my arm and snapping me out of my shock.

"Of course I am." I'd lied, regaining control of my senses. I couldn't even say my next words in a way that suited my intentions. "You know I love you right?"

She'd frozen for a bit, and then a smile had broken on her lips. "Of course, and you know I love you too. You're like a brother to me, my 'bestest' friend. We're soulmates."

It'd been painfully obvious she hadn't read the real meaning behind my words, and I'd been too disheartened to clarify it to her. But it became painfully apparent that the love she felt for me was the kind for a brother.

My observation was proven even more correct a few weeks later when my sister, Ella, found out about my feelings for Becky and left my room one day threatening to expose me after we'd had a fight. I'd been paralyzed with fear, but when Ella returned, she told me she'd only asked Becky what would happen if I told her I was in love with her.

Becky had laughed and called the idea ridiculous, the possibility nonexistent. But after some insistence, she finally answered that that could destroy our friendship since she only saw me as a brother.

Becky and I had later laughed about how 'ridiculous' Ella's question was, and I'd sworn to myself to forever keep my feelings a secret.

Sighing as I polished off my beer, I got up and made to grab another one.

All that happened 5 years ago. It'd been 5 long years and Becky still didn't know about my feelings for her.

And she would never know, because I was never going to tell her. I was content with having her near yet loving her so much from afar.

It was better than destroying our friendship.