Loving Becky

6

A shaky breath blew past Becky's lips, making them tremble a bit before she steadied them and spoke, “You don't have to speak to me like that, you know?” She looked down and begun fiddling with her fingers, something she only did when she was nervous.

“I've been thinking a lot about us, David, and I miss you very much.” Her head shot up to look at me, and as if she feared I would misunderstand the meaning behind her words, she quickly added. “I mean as my best friend, of course. And I would like us to get back together. As friends. You...”

“You don't have to remind me with every sentence that only friendship can exist between us. You made it more than clear the last time we spoke.” I pointed out indignantly. I realized my tone came out harsher than intended but I didn't care, and I felt a vindictive pride swell within me.

How dared she decide when to enter and when to exit my life like she owned it?

Conflicted by emotions I couldn't explain, I leveled my gaze to hers and glared into her eyes, ignoring the tears I saw in them despite how much the sight made my heart ache.

“And you know what?” I begun. “You were right when you said that some time apart will be good for the both of us. You can't just waltz into my life a month later like you own it and state you want us to resume contact. I'm in a relationship now, Becky, and I don't need you in my life right now to complicate things for me.”

“I. . . I thought you were in love with me.” A lone tear trailed down her left cheek.

“You thought I was in love with you? What difference will that make when the only love you'll ever be able to feel for me is the kind for a best friend?” I noticed my own voice shaking with emotion and tried to put steel into it. “We still need more time apart, Becky. And I'm sorry but this time, I get to decide when I want you back in my life.”

Nodding resignedly, Becky wiped a hand across her cheek to clear the tear stain. I knew I was going to regret it later if I didn't apologize to her right now, but I felt too upset, so I watched as she turned and run off, a sob escaping her, until I heard the loud bang of the door after she'd left.

Just then, Alexa emerged from the kitchen, and from the look on her face, I figured she'd heard everything Becky and I had discussed. Sulking into the couch, I raked my fingers roughly in my hair, trying to dissolve my emotions.

I wasn't worried about Lexi hearing about my love for Becky since I figured it was about time she knew. I only worried about how she felt after Becky had practically called her a whore.

The space beside me dipped as Lexi sat down. She didn't speak, and for some minutes, we sat in silence until she finally asked, “So how long have you and Becky known each other?”

Sighing, I looked at Lexi. Her expression was impassive and I couldn't read her. “She and I have been friends for like all our lives.” I answered wearily.

“And you love her.” it was more of a statement then a question. “She's the read haired woman with blue eyes you talked about the first day we met.”

Taking her hands in mine, I brought them up and kissed her knuckles. “I'm with you now, Lexi, and that's all that matters.”

My reply sounded lame even to my own ears, but as usual, the woman was insightful enough to know I didn't want to talk about it.

“Hey, about what she said.” Lexi begun hesitantly, rambling as she went. “You know I think I'm too young to go into anything very serious especially with my luck in relationships. That's why I've just been exploring my options. But with you, I swear it's different. You've changed my...”

“Lexi. Hey, Lexi... Listen to me.” I wanted to tell her that I didn't care about her past, but she seemed intent on rumbling on and on, so I kissed her.

After all, a kiss is the best trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

“Hey, be my girlfriend.” I whispered against her lips.

She seemed startled for a bit, then chuckled softly. “I thought that is what I am already." She pressed her lips to mine softly and smiled. “But I guess its nice that you've officially asked. Of course I'll be your girlfriend.”

After that day, I swore to make my relationship with Lexi work and last.

The woman was gentle and understanding when she had to, and she never questioned me about my feelings for Becky. As the weeks passed and Lexi and I got closer than ever, I, with suddenly clarity, realized why none of my relationships before Lexi had worked.

It's because I'd always went about them telling myself that they were only temporary, that I could never love the women the way they deserved. I'd always clung to the futile hope that perhaps Becky would come to love me after finding out about my love for her.

I'd been deluding myself with fantasies of us together, convincing myself that maybe, just maybe, those dreams could come true.

But now that Becky had known about my love for such a long time, it was time to accept the reality, and the reality was that she didn't and would never love me as anything more than a best friend. I had to move on.

I begun to appreciate Lexi more and more everyday as more than someone to spend the rest of the day with after returning from work. More than someone to share hot kisses with and have mind blowing sex with. Perhaps, I even begun to love her.

I'm sure I would've grown to love her more if not for what happened about three months later.

I was in the kitchen gathering the food commodities to prepare the meal Lexi and I would be having for dinner when the doorbell rang. Frowning as I got out of the kitchen to open the door, I wondered if it was her. It would be disappointing since I'd wanted to finish preparing the food before she arrived.

I was shocked to find Becky at the door instead. It'd been months since I'd seen her this close, and my heart somersaulted at the sight of her. But even more shocking was what she did seconds later.

She surged into the room and kissed me.