Started With a Lie

Chapter Forty-One

Chapter Forty-One

I have no idea what to wear.

            Actually, let me rephrase that. I have no idea where I’m going. I have no idea what kind of place this is going to be. I have no idea what to bring. I have no idea who will be there. And on top of all that, I have no idea what to wear. Tragic first world problems, I know.

            In the end and after countless times of talking myself back in and out of this plan, I decide to be casual and put on black shorts and an airy, white button up. The weather outside is warm and sticky as Mark rolls into my driveway. I stand from the front porch steps and walk over to him. I didn’t know if I should’ve let him in or just waited outside. So I just waited outside.

            Why are you overthinking this? It’s just dinner, a voice inside me yells.

            A quieter voice speaks the truth. Because you’re thinking of him.

            But I’m not doing anything bad. Right? Lee and I had no direction. We are—were in love but so what? Tons of people fall in and out of love daily. If love was enough in this world, there would be no wars or evil. But life sucks and I’ll just have to freaking deal with it. I ignore the tiny pinch my heart feels as I push thoughts of him away. But…

        What is he doing right now? Business meeting? Eating alone? Drinking…?

        I shake these thoughts away, once again. I shouldn’t guilt myself back to him. I shouldn’t go back to him, period. A part of me just wants to let it all go and just be with him because I love him. But where is the reality in that? People expect him to get married to Penny. She’s one of his closest friends. Hell, she saved his life. If it wasn’t for her after his father’s death, I would never have gotten to meet the man he is today. Now, he’s going to save hers. I love him enough to let him go. I’ve never understood such a stupid phrase but I do now.

        I’m not going to be an obstacle. Feelings are feelings. There are bigger things in life.

        “Uh, Ivory? Hello? Earth to Ivory? Jupiter to Ivory?”

        Mark’s waving his fingers in front of my face and I suddenly bring myself back to the present.  

            “Sorry, sorry. I was just thinking and realized how everything is changing and that I’m nervous for, well, everything in life,” I say. Technically, I’m not lying. But I’m definitely not going to tell Mark who I’m thinking of.

            He walks me to the passenger side of his car. “Don’t be. It’s not that bad.”

            “Of course, it’s easy for you to say.” I glare.

            Mark’s eyebrows press together like I’ve hurt him. Nice one, Ivory. First five minutes and you can’t even keep from blurting out things. He walks over to his side after shutting the passenger door for me. With one hand, he starts the car and the other is on the steering wheel.

            “I’m sorry,” I apologize, playing with my fingers on my lap. “I just—I can’t seem to think before I speak. I didn’t mean to just judge you.”

        He shrugs but I know he’s still thinking about it. “It’s no biggie. I like that about you...but I just hate when people assume things.”

        I look out into the window as he drives. What do I say?

        “Teach me then,” I tell him before my brain can catch up. Once again, I am blurting things.