The Sky And Its Stars

Chapter twenty five: Adam

"..., and I think we'll be leaving any second now. Hey, are you even listening to me?" Says Brandon, taping me on the shoulder.

"Yeah, of course I am." I lie. I haven't been listening to anything he said, because I know that he was talking about his plan, the way he is going to leave my life for good. "Not for good." I hear him correct me in my head, because he has been telling me this ever since I told him you are leaving for good. And it's bad enough that he is leaving, I don't need to hear the plan over and over again.

I have been watching the street from the kitchen window for hours now, yet I haven't noticed that the sun has completely been replaced by the moon. When did the sun go away, and why didn't it take me with it?

Everything I feared would happen is happening. My brother is leaving home. Leaving town. Leaving me. And I have been so sad about it for so long that now, it kind of doesn't hurt me that much anymore, witch hurts even more, and that makes perfect sense and no sense at the same time.

"Take care, man." He says after loading all his stuff in the car, and I almost laugh. Not because I'm happy, but because this_Brandon leaving_feels like a joke. I want to go to sleep just so I can wake up in the morning and find out that all of this is just some twisted nightmare.

"Yeah, sure." I promise and hug him tightly like I will never see him again, because I know that I won't see him any time soon.

I watch Drew and Alice talk and I can clearly tell that they don't want this, either, but seeing the excitement in Brandon's eyes makes me feel slightly guilty, so I try my best to hide my terrible feeling, and give my only brother a proper goodbye.

"Dad, are you alright?" Asks Drew from beside me. I haven't noticed that I have been standing out here watching the empty road, not until my son brought me back to reality. Brandon is long gone and I have been standing here, hoping he would change his mind and come back, fantasizing over something I know I can never have. Something beautiful. A life where Via is still around and Brandon and Hazel don't have to leave.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I say when I realize that I haven't answered Drew's question.

I feel like I don't want to go inside the house now that Brandon is gone. I try to picture the way my life is going to be, and I see nothing but ultimate darkness. I feel like I'm dead in a world where everyone else is alive, and that is terrible thing for a living soul to feel.

I turn the TV on in the living room because Drew suggested it when I asked him what were we supposed to do next. I can't believe that I asked a fourteen years old kid what I'm supposed to do. I feel so stupid and lost, and I have no clue about what to do with what I have left of what I call my life.

The movie unfolds on the TV with neither of us paying any attention to it. I have been lost in thoughts this whole time, trying to figure out how to manage the bookshop alone, not that Brandon has been so much help, but it make a huge difference not having him around. As for Drew, he might be thinking about how he would be spending his free time now that his best friend is gone. I can't believe he doesn't have more than one friend, but honestly, since we have a habit of losing people, one friend is more that enough.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but apparently I wasn't awake, because it took me some time to hear my phone ringing. At first I think it's Brandon calling me to say that he got wherever he was headed, but when an unfamiliar number flashes in the screen, I feel my heart racing against my chest.

As the man on the other end of the line speaks, I try to tell him that he got the wrong number, I try to tell him that I'm not Adam Ackles and that Brandon Ackles is not my brother, but my mouth won't open and the words won't come out. I just sit there, on the living room couch, without blinking, trying to delete the spoken words from my memory, but they are already carved there and there is nothing I can do about that. They are here to stay. Forever. And I wonder silently: how come words can't make us bleed?