this is me trying.

chapter two.

Amelia quickly tries to stand up, with Kai pacing quickly back and forth in front of her, which she soon realises is a very bad idea.

Blood rushes to her head, making her dizzy, and soon she is staggering back with black dots shrouding her vision. She trips on the yellow blanket that is still half-wrapped around her body and collapses back onto the bed, hitting her head on the bedpost.

Kai is by her side in seconds, panic taking over their face instantly.

"I'm fine. Just... stood up to quick."

Kai offers a look of disbelief.

"I'm serious! I just haven't eaten much lately. I-"

"Can't eat when you're worried, I know." Kai finishes for her. "What you need is food and some rest."

Amelia shuts her eyes as she wills the pain in her head to disappear. "I can't rest when I know that I've hurt you, Kai."

Kai rolls their eyes with a small smile. "You're soooo dramatic."

"I'm serious, Kai, please." Kai turns to face her, looking into her eyes. Eyes that were full of genuine regret. "I don't know why I did what I did."

Amelia fiddles with the blanket in her lap, feeling embarrassed. Apologies have always been hard for her. She looks back up at Kai. "It's all my fault. Link didn't do anything wrong and neither did you. I am genuinely sorry." She says, fixing her eyes back to her lap, unable to watch Kai's reaction. She thinks that her voice is small enough that Kai might not have heard any of her words at all.

"You really mean that?"

Amelia shoots her head up, surprised at the hope she can clearly hear in Kai's voice. A small smile pulls at her lips.

"You don't know how relieved I am to hear that," the blonde says, their smile growing so wide that Amelia thinks she might actually faint this time.

"I um... I am sorry for walking out like that, it was an awful thing for me to do. I should have given you a chance to talk but if I'm honest, I was just trying to make you hurt like I was," they go on. "I'm so sorry."

Amelia stays silent, which worries Kai greatly. After a minute or so, she finally talks.

"We can't take it back," Amelia says as she moves to the edge of the bed and beckons them to sit with her. Amelia almost forgets everything she is saying when Kai interlaces their fingers and tugs their clasped hands into their lap. Almost.

"I can't unkiss Link. And you can't unwalk out." Amelia lightly rubs her thumb along Kai's, her tone soft, wanting to say it the nicest way she can.

Kai sighs, curling their body into Amelia's and burrowing their face into the crook of her neck. Amelia wishes that they could stay in this moment forever, with Kai's lips brushing her skin; their hot breath blowing against her pulse point. Kai leans slightly away from Amelia, who almost whimpers at the loss of their touch.

"I still can't believe you let me kiss you outside Grey Sloan," Kai blurts out, blushing slightly. They want so bad to turn away but Amelia holds their gaze, encouraging Kai to continue. So, Kai does. "It was everything I had wanted for so long but nothing I could admit to myself," they say.

"Then, again, in that parking lot," Amelia giggles, her eyes glinting with desire as she thinks about it. "You have no idea how hard it was for me to keep my hands off of you. Walking away was so hard."

"Oh, really?" Kai inches their fingers higher on her thigh, moving their clasped hands to rest against the blanket. Amelia's heart stutters in her chest as the brunette leans in, lips directly against her ear. "What's stopping you now?" They whisper, their voice so low, Amelia's spine shivers.

When their teeth lightly scrape Amelia's ear, her eyes nearly roll back. Amelia curses herself for the whimper she lets out in this moment.

Kai leans away but before they know it, Amelia wraps an arm around their waist and pulls them into a kiss. It's soft at first, but then she allows Kai's body to settle on top of her own, allowing the brunette to push her back against the pillows. Her hands find Kai's hips somewhere along the way, the kiss starting to get a little...intense.

Kai's own hands sit on her shoulders as they make themself comfortable in Amelia's lap. Amelia didn't want to scare Kai away, especially after they had gotten this far, so she keeps her tongue in her mouth and tries her best to keep things innocent.

Kai, on the other hand, is clearly not thinking along the same lines. They slip their tongue between Amelia's lips not a second later.

Her hands grip firm on Kai's hips, fingers digging in and Amelia fears that the pressure of it might leave bruises. Kai doesn't seem to notice; they only readjust themself to straddle Amelia more firmly, and Amelia suddenly finds herself very out of breath and wholly unable to resist surrendering all control to Kai.

She pulls back and lets Kai lean down to attack her neck, her breathing growing heavier by the second.

"Are you...okay?" Kai pants into her ear.

"What?" Amelia struggles to catch her own breath.

"You're breathing really hard," said Kai, even as their own chest visibly heaves for air.

Amelia shakes her head, just wanting to go back to kissing Kai. "I'm fine. Let's keep going."

Kai nods and reattaches their mouth to Amelia's, humming softly when Amelia slips her hands from their hips to underneath their shirt. She looks at Kai, making sure that she wasn't making them uncomfortable. Kai understood Amelia's expression instantly, giving her a reassuring nod.

She slowly inches her fingers to Kai's lower back, tracing little patterns and eliciting a low moan from them against her lips. Kai decides to get their revenge when they suddenly bring their mouth down to the sensitive spot above Amelia's collarbone sucks the skin there.

"Oh my God-" Amelia bites down on her lip to stop that particular noise from coming out, her hips jolting up but stopped by Kai's weight on top of them. It certainly doesn't help that she can feel Kai's satisfied smile against her neck.

Right on top of Amelia, Kai starts to unbutton their shirt, letting it fall from their shoulders with a smirk. They weren't wearing anything underneath causing Amelia's mind to wonder to very inappropriate places. Amelia tries not to stare and instead moves her lips forward, stealing a soft kiss on the underside of Kai's jaw. Kai shivers, goosebumps erupting underneath Amelia's trailing mouth before she decides to pull away, looking into Kai's eyes. Kai's gaze was not the same cold empty stare she showed Amelia earlier that day – this one was kind and forgiving; full of love.

Amelia smiles to herself. "You're the best thing in my life," she admits, Kai's smiles growing wide. "Without you I was..." Amelia looks into the distance, "I can't even remember how I used to be. It was awful." She paused, her hand rubbing back and forth against Kai's thigh. There was nothing sexual about the action, and both of them knew that.

"But I know for sure that I was heading down the wrong path," she tells the blonde. "After my brother died, I relapsed. So hard that I thought I would never be clean again. I was never really happy after that but you... you were like a breath of fresh air."

"I think..." Sudden emotion sits heavy in her chest. "I think you saved me."

Kai doesn't say anything which instantly panics Amelia.

"Wow, um.. I'm sorry for ruining the mom-"

Kai leans forward and collides their lips together once again, and Amelia finds that the emotion weighing on her chest is no longer heavy anymore.