"I Won't Let You Lose Yourself In The Rain" A Tally Hall Fanfic

I Won't Let You Lose Yourself In The Rain

Trigger Warning For: dissociation, slight feelings of depression, angst

Author's Note 8/13/2023

Let it be known that I no longer a supporter of Joe Hawley nor do I adorce his recent actions. I'm only keeping this one shot up as it is for archival purposes . If any of you have fallen out of love with the fic or anything of the sorts due to the recent events, that's ok. 

Joe just stood there, stood there in the pouring rain on the clearest of nights; his touring outfit drenched in layers of water, his curly jet black locks of hair aiming downwards. He looked up at the night sky, watching the clouds slowly move away as the full moon appeared. On a regular rainy night, he would either be on tour with his friends, or would be reading stories, playing the ukulele, appreciating his simple, meaningful life. But this night felt so... different from everything else. He was having one of those moments. Those moments where he felt like he wasn't himself, nor was he someone else. He was just.. no one, just an obscure speck of sand on the surface of the earth.

"Well, I think you returned to obscure."

The feeling of endless numbness slowly flooded his entire body. His heart was now pounding like a marching band drum, the pounding was so loud, he could hear it clearly.

"Or wherever you were, before you were."

The rain now felt like cold bullets, hitting his frozen body. But he didn't feel any of the pain. He couldn't feel anything. Everything in his world was now void of color and life; the numbness repainting the world in lifeless shades of black and white.

As the world lost the last of its colors, his eyes began to sting with tears of numbness. All alone, both he and the clouds start to cry.

"But I won't let you lose yourself in the rain."

Then, almost out of nowhere, the rain stopped, his heart slowed. Then a voice spoked up.

"Um Joseph, Joey Joe?"

It was Ross. Joe turned around to see Ross holding two umbrellas, one of which he was holding over Joe's head. The rain clearly hadn't stopped.

"You doing alright man? You seem really tired and a little sick."

Joe didn't really know how to really answer his question. But he at least tried to.

"I'm.. I'm fine Ross." He said in a bit of a startiled, quiet voice. He took the umbrella that Ross was offering; Ross noticing how shaky Joe's hands were. How long has he been out in the pouring rain for?

"Come on, let's get back to the hotel room and meet up with the others for our "Nightly Sharing Of Feelings". Ok?" Ross said, trying to keep up a cheery tone.

"...ok" Joe responded quietly.

As they walked to the gang's hotel room, the two tried their best to start a bit of small talk.

"So, what were you doing while I was gone?" Joe asked

"Hmm where to start? Hmm, I've been taking pictures of the city, learned more about proteins, and did a bit of roller skating up at the local park up until it started to rain, at which point, I just stopped. So yeah my time was pretty chill." He said.

"What about you? Have you been doing anything?"

Joe smirked his usual loving but somewhat cocky smile "Well, I-..." his smile quickly faded.

"I....." his eyes and face were filled with confusion.

"I don't remember.." he couldn't remember what he was doing before ending up outside in the rain. He tried to quickly remember even the smallest fragments of memories, but his mind drew a blank. Ross was now growing more concerned for his friend.