I don't want to lose you

4. That's not me.

 TW: Gender dysphoria

  "Okay big man." Big man? Really? Is my enby pin not obvious enough? Clearly, I need to order a bigger one.
  "Nope, not a big man." I kindly correct.
   "What? You're a man." Ah. Why am I not shocked? "Fine, okay lady." Nope.
   "Wrong again."
 
  "You're either a man or a woman. Get out of here with this foolishness."
   "I don't have time to argue with you. I'm here for my uncle."
  "I'm sorry, who are you?" My uncle asks.
   "Been a long time." I haven't had to say my deadname in 5 years, as soon as I turned 18 I changed my legal name.

   "A-Alexander." it hurts to even say, I have to scream in my mind, "I'm not Alexander! I'm Rowe!" but I have to keep my composure. I hate hearing or even having to say my deadname. It stabs me in the chest. I heard it for 18+ years, it shouldn't hurt me but it does. Alexander is dead. Has always been, just lived as a ghost. Alexander was never alive, was just a ghost pretending to be.
   "Alexander?" The knife twists.
  
   "That's me." No, no it's not. But it's who I'll continue pretending to be. "Your nephew." No, no, no. I'm not anyone's nephew, son, brother, no, no, no.
My uncle's eyes widen as he realizes who the ghost of his nephew is.
  "Alexander."
  "I'm not here to be your buddy. I'm here to save my friend."
  "We still don't know who the hell you are!"
 
  "I couldn't care less! My friend is a living ticking time bomb. She could die any fucking minute. I don't give a flying damn about whether or not you know who I am."
The tiny rich man prepared to yell more, but someone intervenes.
  
  "Okay, let's all take a few minutes, and then we'll assess the situation."
Don't know who she is, but her whole stance and her tone tells me she is not the one to mess with today. I sit down on the black bar stool, it has no business being here, it's out of place. Doesn't blend in with the conference room setup, but then again, neither do I. I'm just as out of place as this bar stool, but like this bar stool, I'm standing strong. I'm not leaving until I receive help for my friend. I can't lose her. I just can't.