Ventricular Arrhythmia

Chapter 10: Not what it seems

Three days later Hyunjin was doing an MRI, just to be sure his seizure was just a side effecr from the medication. They couldn't risk it.
Thankfully it didn't show anything bad.

The tension at the dorms was no longer there. Everyone was shocked to say the least, not only by the incident and their behavior towards a certain someone but also from Hyunjin's general condition.

He lost more weight and Chan among with Minho and Jisung blamed themselves for not keeping track of his food portions. They noticed that he did consume a small amount of food, even this couldn't explain the extreme weight loss, because he did eat something during the day. He looked malnourished, pale and weak.

And now Hyunjin was once again pressured from everything and everyone. He changed his medication but even that didn't seem to actually work, in fact he felt worse.

In a meeting with Kibum they talked about the surgery once again. As days passed and Hyunjin felt more like a walking corpse than a human being he was beginning to change his mind and do the surgery. Soon.

And while he had to worry about his health, his boss was reassuring him that he wouldn't stop supporting him and even if he couldn't dance this much he wouldn't leave the industry nor the group. It would be unfair to lose someone with so much talent. They would make their choreographies easier and less tiring for the shake of everyone.
At least that was the only good thing happening in his life and gave him a little confidence, because at the dorms he was always getting watched or chased by a plate full of food.

Getting caught throwing up by Changbin right after lunch on a day off only made things worse.
He has been locked in the bathroom for a long time so Changbin was in charge of checking up on him. In the back of his mind Changbin knew what was going on behind that door when he heard the noises echoing from the bathroom, still he wished not to be what it seemed like.

"Hyunjin? I'll come in are you alright?"

*puking sounds*

"Okay I'll open the door now"

At the end, Changbin expecting this scene in front of his eyes.
Hyunjin in front of the toilet getting rid of any food portion in his stomach. He quickly sat down, holding his hair back and patting his back to show his support, as round after round of puke left from Hyunjin's pale, chaped lips.

Almost 20 minutes later he was done and fell on Changbin's chest. His forehead was sweaty and breathing hurt his chest. Tears came out of his eyes and slowly became a flowing river. He really couldn't handle much more. He felt tired. Tired of having fucking arrhythmias, tired of the pressure he felt tired of his doctor's questions, tired of his condition, tired of the pills, tired of life.

Between his sobs and his thoughts he noticed Changbin getting replaced by Chan, only when he heard his soothing voice. Soon after he had calmed down he found himself in the kitchen with a plate in front of him and three pair of eyes piercing through his soul.
And once again, he would refuse to eat.
Deja-vu.

"Minho, Jisung, please get out and close the door."

"Why?"

"Please?"

"Okay. We will be in the living room."

"Jinnie baby, why are you doing this? You are not eating much and you are making yourself sick-"

"I am not! I swear!"

"Please be honest with me!"

"But I am honest Chan hyung! I really try to eat. I don't have an eating problem please believe me!"

"Having... eating problems as you like to say it is normal. In the industry we work we strive to be the best of us but this destroys our health. Baby, it's okay if you are sick. We can pay a visit to the best doctor out there-"

"But I'm not sick like that!"

"Oh really? Then, tell me why can I see your bones through your clothes from far waga? Why can I touch and count your ribs and every bone you have while hugging you? Why do I have to check you are actually eating and while you sleep at night make sure you are still breathing?"

"Chan why do you care? I can just die alre-"

"Shut the fuck up! Of course I fucking care because I love you! I love you more than a friend, and it hurts me to watch you fade away!"

"I- I love you too Chan-"

Tears started to flow from everyone's eyes. Even the others watching a movie in the living room almost started to choke on their tears. No, not because of the I love yous being heard but from the sentences before and even more after that.

"Then why are you doing this please stop, you are just perfect, I need you alive, I can't take care of you while you are dead. Please why are you doing this?"

"I'm not-"

"You clearly are!"

"Gosh! It's because of the fucking pills I take!"

Hyunjin bursted out of the kitchen towards the living room. There, meters before going up the stairs Felix held his hand, looking scared.

"The- what?"

"I- i- I'm- I-"

Scared Minho yelled soon

"Speak up! What is going on please just fucking speak up we can't handle this anymore! Chan is going insane, everyone is going insane!"

"Do you think I'm not Minho! I'm taking a bunch of pills everyday hyung and hide it from all of you to not let you down! To not disappoint you! I watch myself change and i hate it. My body has lost its strength, everything hurts, even breathing hurts. I can't even control my movements anymore, my hair are falling off! And all of these are happening because of a fuking heart problem! I have a heart problem!"

"What did you-"

"I'm so sorry Chan hyung. I tried to fix it but... I can't. I have a life-threatening heart problem since a kid at first I could just live with it. But some time ago things got a turn for the worse. I needed a solution but- the medication destroys me while helps my heart work. I can have a surgery but no one knows if anything will be fixed at the end. I'm sorry. I- I didn't want to be like that-"

"Why did you hide it, we could have been by your side, we could... why?"

"I was scared of getting treated like a disabled, sick person. I'm more than a person with ventricular tachycardia, a heart disease whatever, I'm more than my symptoms. "

"Baby... I'm sorry. I should have known... it's okay, we will all get educated on it, we will find a solution, we will help you, we will talk about it to the others. I will be there for you. You won't die I promise. I love you Jinnie, I really do."

Jeongin and Felix soon followed by the others joined the hug.

"We all love you Jinnie..."