Harry Holland Imagines vol.1

Grieving at Christmas

- I'm lowkey struggling this Christmas, I sadly lost my mum in April 2020, right before my 20th birthday which was in July. Last Christmas was a blur, I can't remember half of it. This is the first Christmas it's actually settled in my head that my mums passed away, she was a huge Christmas fan so it's super hard this time of year! But, I'm writing my feelings out in this imagine & lowkey wishing I could get a cuddle from Harry right now... so Harry, If you're reading this😂👀-

It's Christmas Day, it's the 2nd Christmas you've been without your mum. However, this year it's only properly settled in your mind that she's gone.

You're 21, Harry's 22. You guys have been dating for 4 years, But You've been basically living in Harry's pocket since your mum passed away. He's always been there to support you & he has really taken your mind off of the fact you're missing a huge chunk of your life & support system

You struggled to prepare for Christmas during  the last 2 weeks. Harry noticed you were struggling but he also noticed that your moods were unpredictable, so he helped in a way you didn't know he was helping.

It's 11pm, You're both sat on the sofa in the Holland household. You're both full to the brim with Christmas snacks & cups of tea. Both of your dogs are asleep on the sofa. All of the Holland clan (except Harry) had headed to bed.

You let out a loud sigh as you rest your head on Harrys chest. He wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you in closer as he scrolls through the tv channels, seeing if there's anything interesting on... there isn't.

"Should we head up?" Harry asks you softly as he moves his hand up to your head and strokes your hair. He looks at your with nothing but love.

You look up at him and nod, not saying a word. Harry sighs sympathetically, knowing that your mind is running on and on. He cups your cheek and kisses your nose. You close your eyes.

"I love you so much darling" he says softly, resting his forehead against yours.

"I love you too" you whisper, not opening your eyes. You know that if you open your eyes.. you'll cry

"I'm so proud of you, you're the strongest person I know.. you've been through so much and yet you still know how to hold your head up and storm through it all" he says at a quiet volume

You open your eyes and look up at him. He instantly notices your eyes brimming with tears.

"Oh my princes, come here" he says, scooping you up and sitting you on his lap sideways. He holds you closely & tightly, resting your head on his shoulder.

You breakdown into his arms. You keep your sobs to a low volume, not wanting to wake anyone up.

"I'm sorry" you mumble, Harry shushes you.

"You have nothing to be sorry about" he says kissing your head

"I've done nothing but cry today, it's not fair in you or your family" you say as you begin to beat yourself up about the situation.

"Hey hey hey, you have every right to cry Y/n" he says as he cups your cheek and uses his thumb to wipe your tears away
"Darling, you lost your Mum when you were only 19.. that's traumatic, you have every right to be upset at the holidays.. if not everyday. If I was in your position ... I would have gone off the rails a long time ago" he adds.

"I miss her so much you know? It's not the same without her. I couldn't do anything today without thinking about her. She loved Christmas" You sniffle and cuddle into his chest
"and I just feel like I've been a party pooper for you all" you add.

"Y/n, Paddy was literally asking mum this morning if you can spend every Christmas with us because he loved your hot chocolates so much.. you have brought so much laughter and so many smiles to our boring Christmas traditions" he says as he softly moves your hair from your face

"Really?" You ask, Turing your head to look up at him. He nods

"Yeah and I-" harry starts but is cut off by a drunk Tom sneaking into the living room. You both look up at him

"Shhhhh, don't tell mum I'm up.. I just threw up real bad in the bathroom" he chuckles as he whispers "I'm sooo drunk bro" he says as he dramatically tiptoes over to the sofa you're not sat on.
Harry chuckles and shakes his head looking over at him, watching Tom as he lays down on the sofa.

"So, are you guys coming to church tomorrow?" He asks.

You wipe your eyes, not wanting to make it seem obvious you're upset. But Tom notices.

"Oh shit, have I interrupted something?" He says. You shake your head

"No, you haven't.. we were just talking about.. my mum" you say quietly

"Oh your mum was a diamond. I remember the time Harry & I dropped you off back at hers & as we were going out she said 'core Y/n get with one of them, they're bloody gorgeous' and since then.. she's been my favourite person" he's says making sure to imitate your mums voice

You laugh softly, taking hold of Harry's hand & entwining your fingers.

"Yeah, she was so happy when I got with you" you say looking up at Harry.

Harry smiles and kisses your temple. You all sit talking about your mum and the memories you all have of her together. It's not until Tessa takes herself to bed, do you realise that you should be in bed too.

Harry is the first to break the conversation "right, let's head to bed.. especially if we need to go to church tomorrow" he says with a little sigh as he stands up from the sofa.

You nod and get up after him, taking hold of his hand. You say your good nights to Tom & make your way upstairs together.

Harry gets himself into his pyjamas as soon as he gets into his bedroom. You follow him in & steal a T-shirt of his.
You're a little on the plus size so it clings to your chest. As you take off your bra underneath  the T-shirt you catch Harry's reflection in the mirror, he's stood there biting his lip as he watches you.

"Staring is rude" you say looking at him in the mirror.
His head flicks up to the mirror and he chuckles "I can't help it when my girl is looking this good" he says walking over to you. He slides his arms around your waist and rests his chin on your shoulder.

"I love you" he mumbles "so so so much"
"I love you too" you say with a smile "so so so much"