Hanoi Rocks one shots and more

Just doesn't feel like Christmas

(A/N: so this one is going to be based off me, and I will warn you now, I will be using my name. This is kinda like a therapy of sorts because I am feeling this way right now even though it's Christmas eve. That being said, I hope you enjoy this anyways.)

Brooke's Pov:

christmas music plays softly on the radio as I wrap the last of everyone's gifts from me... It was Christmas eve but I couldn't even really tell, it felt like another day in the year. I used to love Christmas and would go ham over it from November to December 26....This year I had struggled to even get all of my gifts and wrap them on time. Nasty, Sami,Michael,Andy and Razzle have a Christmas movie on and dinner had already been served, I had finished the majority of Christmas day's food already and now it was just gift wrapping time. I was drinking my eggnog and trying my hardest to just finish the last few gifts. I put the final touches on the last one and carry them down to our ten foot tree that needed a ladder to decorate, carefully setting all of the gifts under the tree and heading off to mine and Razzle's room once again.

A knock on the bedroom's door startles me out of my train of thought, the other side containing my loving and caring boyfriend Razzle, his ocean blue eyes soft and holding the faintest hint of worry. That was something I have always loved about him....He always knows when something is bothering someone and uses his eyes to convey his worry. 

"Love.." His gentle and loving English voice rings rather hushed through the room as he sits on our bed next to me, "Is everything alright? You're always perky and excited and just all around in the Holiday spirit more than anyone else in this house but this time you seem so blue, like you are having a blue Christmas.." 

I lay my head on his broad shoulder and sigh softly, my green eyes closing as I let out a forlorn sigh and start to whisper to my loving partner, "It sounds dumb but the last few years, it just doesn't feel like Christmas anymore and normally I can easily fake it for the sake of you and the band, but I suppose this year I just couldn't manage to do it." My reply was honest and sad, the tone of my soft voice clearly making the air seem more upset and depressing to even the holly jolly man next to me.

"I'm sorry the joy and feeling of Christmas isn't with you this year Brooke, but it's ok to feel alone and sad and like the holidays just aren't happening this year. You have been through a lot and you don't owe anyone a false holiday cheer, you can just be the way you are and we will all love and support you the same. Why don't you and I spend the rest of Christmas eve watching anything you want and cuddling by the fire with drinks of your choice, maybe go play in the snow with the band since it's snowing and giving you the best white Christmas photo opportunities tonight, especially with all the lights on all the houses and trees." Razzle says in his comfort mode voice, this is one of the times where he sounds almost father like but even then, I find it sweet my boyfriend knows how to cheer me up and talk to me in a way that I won't feel like I am being scolded for my feelings. I nod my head slightly while it is still on his shoulder, his hair was draped over the other one that I wasn't occupying and looking like a cascade of silk.

I carefully get up with his help and we bundle up, him grabbing my photography tools so we can go on a walk and maybe play in the snow and I can get some good photos of the holiday charm. With any luck, I will be able to capture the magic that it is supposed to harbor and save it for next year, with good fortune it could even help me next year and make me feel more Christmas like. The other four guys had since gotten ready and followed out the front door into the frigid night, snowflakes fluttering to the ground in a flurry of cold little fluff balls. I take a few snaps of the snow falling with Christmas decorations behind it, much like in a painting of a holiday painting, some of Nasty and Andy throwing snow balls at each other and Michael making a snow man with Razzle. A warm smile creeps onto my face, even when feeling down their happiness and laughs make me crack a slight change of emotion on my mostly stoic face. I walk across the street to get a better shot of the neighbors we dubbed "The festive people" when we first moved in...They always go above and beyond for Halloween and Christmas, but especially Christmas. I wanted to get a few shots of their lights and how the snow looked while falling around them. Razz had since joined me, keeping his long living promise of always being with me when I need it the most. I even snag a few snaps of him looking at each new piece of outdoor decoration and inspecting how they set them up so well to incorporate them into the older ones that litter their yard, fencing, roofing of both house and shed and the outer walls of their warm and cozy home. It did make me smile a bit, the shots turned out amazing, The glitter of the snow in the lights really made the photos stand out and become the most stunning in our dark winter night. Despite not feeling the holiday mood, going out into the snow had helped me at least be a little less closed off to being happy in general. We had since moved back inside, the warmth of the fire Sami had started for us and the hot cocoa he had made lighting up a smile like a tree on my face, the candy cane melting to make the minty flavor boost the chocolate bliss. I was eternally grateful for the little family I had made within this band, the boys being my brothers and Razzle being the one true love I needed this season and every season of my life. 

Christmas morning arrives before we know it and we are all gathered on the giant sectional couch next to the tree passing out and opening our gifts, Christmas music on the radio and a fire burning warm and bright, creating a glow of comfort and heat that spread through our bodies as we watched the snow fall out the windows in front of us, all lights still on and the world a peaceful and joyful space today. All in all, the holiday was still one I enjoyed, even with the lack of magic that  I normally felt. 

(A/N: Happy holidays to you all, I hope you are staying safe and healthy and If you celebrate any holidays, I hope they are able to bring you some joy. As the statement Razzle made says, Its ok to not feel Christmas-y and If you are alone or just don't have the magic around this year, I hope you at least have a relaxed day, if you ever need to talk, my dms are open and I will try my best to give you comfort. I type this while listening to a live 24/7 Christmas fireplace on youtube, and while I am not feeling in the holiday mood, the insturmental music is still beautiful and keeping me sane. I will be trying to update as much as I can, if weather alows, I will have to get new glasses the day after christmas (Tonight is Christmas eve for me as I write this so It would only be two days away) so another drabble may come from it. Requests are still open and I have a few more  Ideas I may get out tonight or tomorrow. I will only be home with my mom and my dad (who I don't get along well with) and I will not go with him to his parent's because they are not people I want to be around, so if you are in the same boat, just know I am here and while toxic family suck, you are doing your best and i love you...But I might be able to post tomorrow if I don't get distracted by my xbox. Again, have a good day or night wherever you may be, stay safe and if you celebrate any holidays, happy holidays I love you all <3)